MGT vs. Mayorkas impeach slugfest

Here in the hallowed ring of the Olympic Auditorium on South Grand Avenue in downtown Los Angeles, boxing fans, I give you the two contestants in tonight's main event: Secretary of Homeland

Security Alejandro

Nicholas Mayorkas

(roars of approval, with an undercurrent of caterwauling about Pizzagate) and Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (chorus of boos, with a smattering of “Up with antisemitism!” shrieks).

Yes, well, perhaps the reaction from you, pundits of pugilism, is understandable, given that the secretary is our hometown boy, here, whereas the congresswoman is from, uh, Georgia.

That's right — where many may think of the wordly Mayorkas as a Cuban refugee whose parents were of Sephardic and Ashkenazi Jewish stock, he actually graduated from Beverly Hills High. His A.B. from Cal is in history with honors, and he later earned his J.D. from Loyola Marymount University, right here in town. He then worked as an assistant United States attorney and was appointed the United States attorney for the Central District of California in Los Angeles under presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush.

Whereas the clearly otherworldly Greene, who, as you fight aficionados are aware, is currently attempting to impeach Mayorkas, is a professional trafficker in conspiracy theories, including the White genocide conspiracy theory, which holds that there is a deliberate plot to replace American White folks with other folks; QAnon, which holds that a cabal of Satanic, cannibalistic child molesters are operating a global child sex trafficking ring conspiring against Donald Trump; and Pizzagate, which holds that said child sex trafficking ring operates out of the Comet Ping Pong pizzeria in Washington, D.C., underneath which is a direct tunnel to the United States Capitol.

Let us stipulate, lovers of the sweet science, that the secretary's duties include oversight of immigration into this country, and that immigration into this country is a mess. In this past December alone, over 300,000 people crossed into the United States at our southern border, which is a record for any month, ever. More and more, these are not people from Mexico — they're just passing through. These are people from Venezuela, which 6 million people have abandoned because of the disastrous, authoritarian, mock-socialist kleptocracy there. From China — ditto. From Africa — ditto ditto.

And you know, punch-drunkards, why they want to come here — why they wade through the winter-cold Rio Grande into the arms of waiting Border Patrol agents, knowing that they will be taken to monstrous processing facilities at which they will seek political asylum, an ordeal that will take no one knows how long because that system has nowhere near the judges and other government personnel to handle their claims?

Yes, you do know. It's because, despite ours being a country in which a — pardon me, ma'am — lunatic such as Marjorie Taylor Greene can get elected to Congress, even though she falsely believes that the government is behind the mass shooting epidemic, that 9/11 was an inside job and that Vladimir Putin was right to invade Ukraine — despite all that, we are the nation in which most everyone in the world not Norwegian wants to live. We've got it good here, and they want some of that good.

So you also know that to impeach Mayorkas when the president sets immigration policy — a president who would secure the border if the House GOP would simply get with the Senate's negotiated plan rather than obey Donald Trump and not give the president a policy victory — is a fool's game. And now, dama y caballero, fight!

Larry Wilson is on the Southern California News Group editorial board. lwilson@scng.com.