Stop supervisor’s sexy TMI
Dear Miss Manners: My supervisor came into our office today and began describing to my co-worker, who is also a friend of hers, her intimate encounter with her husband the night before, including frequency, locations and method.
I am a senior lady, married for many decades and hardly a prude, but I was very dismayed by their conversation, and it is not the first time this has happened. I was a captive audience, as it is not possible for me to leave my office.
I need the job and have no desire to make disparaging remarks. What can I say or do to extricate myself from having to listen to these conversations and, by my silence, perhaps inadvertently signaling my approval of them?
Gentle reader: It is time to remind the participants that these days, such stories can be misunderstood and result in everyone’s being called into Human Resources for harassment training — or worse. Miss Manners intends you to say that the misunderstanding will be someone else’s, while implying that the someone else might be too nearby to proceed with safety.
Dear Miss Manners: Our 10-story condominium building has a social committee, and one of their missions is to raise money for common area improvements. They are selling tickets for a home tour, where unit owners open their homes to display their designs and decorating sense.
We have a premium unit in the building, and it’s undergoing major renovations. We were asked if we would allow our unit to be on the tour. I politely declined.
My husband and I are private individuals who keep things to ourselves and have no interest in letting strangers into our home, nor in having our home photographed.
No one from the building has been in our unit, but many are aware of the scale of the renovation and ask questions in the elevator. I am usually brief and downplay it.
Although I would like to support the cause and purchase tickets, I have no interest in going on the tour. My husband warned me that it might be perceived as “snobby” by the neighbors. What do you think?
Gentle reader: That it will be perceived as snobby by the neighbors.
However, neighbors who are inclined that way were going to draw the same conclusion even if you did display your extensive renovations.
Miss Manners recommends you stay clear of the entire project and show your support by instead participating generously in the next, less sensitive project.
Dear Miss Manners: I attended a dinner party with a friend who claims to be a strict vegetarian. The host served some pre-dinner snacks, and my friend began to eat lots of Parmesan cheese. I know that this food contains veal rennet but was unsure if my friend was aware of this.
Since she had already started eating the food, I didn’t want to embarrass her in front of everyone else. I still feel a twinge of guilt about not sharing my information. Is it rude to call someone out for breaking their eating practice, or should I mind my own business?
Gentle reader: The term “strict vegetarian” became necessary only when it was discovered that no two people could agree on the definition of “vegetarian.” And Miss Manners suspects that the more restrictive term is also subject to interpretation. She therefore considers it a blessing that it is impolite to comment on what someone does or does not eat — much less on what has already been eaten.
Dear Miss Manners: On a river cruise with friends, they each ordered an entree first, but no soup. When it came to me, I ordered soup, so they changed their orders and all ordered soup.
They said they did not want to sit while I had my soup.
I said, “Why can’t you just converse with each other?” but they didn’t want to do that. So I said, “Then you order things to eat you really may not want, just because others do?” They said yes, and that they felt it was rude not to follow this procedure. Am I the crazy one here?
Gentle reader: If we could revive the old rule against discussing at the table what everyone is eating, the world would go around a lot faster. That exchange does not meet Miss Manners’ definition of conversation.
To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.