Can announcements still be sent if a grad ceremony wasn’t held?
My daughter is a high school senior who graduated this year. However, due to the coronavirus, there was no graduation ceremony.
At the beginning of the school year, we ordered graduation announcements that stated the originally scheduled location, date and time of the ceremony. My daughter thinks it’s “stupid” to send them out, since graduation did not happen.
While the ceremony was canceled, my daughter’s graduation is a milestone for her, and I would like to mail the announcements to family and close friends. Is it OK to mail the announcements even though the details regarding the ceremony no longer apply?
Dear Miss Manners:
Your daughter has learned something in addition to her high school studies. It is indeed strange and misleading — “stupid” is a bit harsh — to announce a ceremony that has not taken place. And it is especially tactless to do so over the objections of the person most concerned.
Yes, Miss Manners understands that you are proud of your daughter’s achievement. There are ample ways for you to mention it to everyone whom you believe will be interested without using announcements that would prompt them to think, “So they held a graduation after all? That was foolhardy. I just hope they’re all OK.”
Gentle reader:
I am expecting my first child in
Dear Miss Manners:
August. What to do about the baby shower? I’m disappointed to miss the chance to gather with our friends and family, and like many couples we would greatly appreciate gifts.
I have seen “virtual” or “remote” showers suggested. One forum even recommended a drive-by shower, where people drop off gifts in the driveway while the couple sit in lawn chairs and wave, like some sort of feudal lord and lady gathering tributes from their subjects!
To me, a baby shower should be an opportunity to celebrate with friends and family, and should include food, drink, entertainment, party favors, conversation and togetherness. Gifts are an optional yet nonnegligible “bonus” of the event. Without the party, a registry seems a purely materialistic grab.
On the other hand, if it were a friend having a baby in this uncertain time, I would eagerly contribute a gift and be the first in the tribute driveby!
What would Miss Manners do?
Aside from not planning her own shower? And aside from reacting in horror, as you do, to the idea of presiding at a sort of viewing stand for the purpose of collecting tributes?
She would be happily anticipating the birth of the baby, secure in the knowledge that friends and family will be even happier to celebrate after that event (and perhaps to bring those keepsakes-tobe).
It should not matter that this will not take the form of a shower. If, by then, people are still not able to pay the customary first visit to a new baby, surely you will want to have virtual visits with them.
Gentle reader:
Dear Miss Manners:
What advice do you have for organizers of annual events in light of cancellations brought on by the pandemic?
If I were the organizer of, say, the 75th annual Springfield Souvenir Spoon Show and Swap Meet, I would have already made the difficult decision to cancel the 2020 event. So what do I call the show and swap meet that I am organizing for 2021? Can it still be labeled an annual event, even though we skipped a year? And is it the 75th?
I just canceled that jubilee event! Can we celebrate our 75th show in 2021 and still, in good conscience, proclaim to be an annual event?
While the COVID-19 pandemic may be new, the reality that unanticipated events will affect the best-laid plans is not. Europe is littered with summer festivals that went on hiatus during World War II, if not for the
Fourth Crusade.
Next year’s Spoon Show and Swap Meet will be the 75th, even though it is the 2021 event. Miss Manners reminds you that there are two reasons to explicitly label an event as annual: the hope that when people attend this time, they will put it on the calendar for next year; and the bragging rights of being an institution. The former will, one hopes, have effect again soon. And the footnote around the latter will enhance your reputation by emphasizing your longevity.
Gentle reader:
To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners. com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.