Parent’s ‘thank you’ vacation not a vacation for daughter
Dear Miss Manners: I am staying at home with my two teenage daughters. My parents, who live about 10 minutes away, are elderly and vulnerable to the virus. They are observing strict quarantine and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future.
I have been doing all their errands for them. Given that they are also forgetful, this sometimes requires me going over there two or three times a day, maintaining social distance from my dad on the porch while he wipes down my purchases, or talking to my mother by phone while waving at her bedroom window.
Believe it or not, this has been my pleasure, and I’m happy I have the time and opportunity to help them.
Now my parents are talking about taking me away for a vacation when “this is all over,” as a thank-you. I don’t want to go. I’m a single mom, and although I have not lost my job (I can telecommute), I don’t have a lot of savings. I can think of many better ways to use the money that would be spent on this trip.
Also, due to their age and (probably) fear and uncertainty, my parents bicker. A month with them would be me running and fetching and acting as a sounding board/referee. It wouldn’t be a vacation for me at all.
How do I escape this not-vacation?
Gentle reader: The same way you avoided coming to the dinner table as a child: by claiming you will be there any minute. More specifically, Miss Manners is suggesting you quibble over the date, not the premise: “I would love to, but with everything that has happened, this year just is not going to work.”
Dear Miss Manners: If you’re wearing a mask, do you have to cover your mouth when you yawn? Or is the mask sufficient?
Gentle reader: Who can tell?
Dear Miss Manners: We sent out 220 wedding invitations, got back 175 yeses, then the wedding venue in San Francisco shut down in March with eight days’ notice! We desperately tried to find an alternate venue without success and ended up canceling and calling all guests to tell them it was canceled.
Fortunately, most outof-town wedding guests were able to get airfare/ hotels refunded.
If and when things open, how should we handle the rescheduling? Specifically, reinvite all guests? Reinvite only those who RSVP’d yes?
If we reinvite only those guests who responded yes, what should we do about those who sent gifts even though they didn’t plan to attend? And what form should any reinvitations take? Bride and groom hope to marry in a ceremony for immediate family as soon as the quarantine is lifted, but have a belated reception.
Gentle reader: If the wedding is held with only immediate family present, Miss Manners suggests sending an announcement afterward, which can also serve as a pledge for a future celebration, to which all the guests should be reinvited: Dr. Lily Jean Appletree and Mr. Conrad Mark Simpkins announce their marriage on Thursday, June
25; Superior Court; Reception to follow when possible.
The letters of thanks for the presents already received should make it clear that nothing more is warranted: “Conrad and I were so dismayed that we weren’t able to have the ceremony with everybody there. We do hope that we will see you at the reception when it is rescheduled. In the meantime, thank you for the handsome antique pie slicer. We have been testing out many and various different pies to see which one it slices best. I say cherry.”
To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.