Microaggressions and working remotely
“Show me what that weird thing is on your wall.” “Could whoever that is with the kid in the background mute their line?”“Someone’s hair is looking very gray these days.”
These are just a few examples of what microaggressions can look like when people work remotely. Though you might think that working from home would cut down on the number of these incidents — after all, there are fewer opportunities for unstructured conversations these days — that’s simply not the case.
Dr. Chester Middlebrook Pierce first defined microaggressions in the 1970s. Today the term is included in the dictionary as “the everyday verbal, nonverbal and environmental slights, snubs or insults, whether intentional or unintentional, which communicate hostile, derogatory or negative messages to target persons based solely upon their marginalized group membership.”
Microaggressions are often likened to paper cuts — one here or there stings but it won’t kill you. Getting repeated paper cuts daily, however, will definitely take a toll. Similarly, being stared at, touched without permission, interrupted or ignored day in and day out takes a toll.
The COVID-19 pandemic has opened much of our workforce to a new surge of microaggressions by making coworkers unwelcome guests in homes through video meetings. Bosses and coworkers can see our families and furniture. They can hear the background noise from our neighborhoods. They see us with our hair, faces and clothes less put together.
What do you do if you are experiencing microaggressions while working remotely?
Assess the situation: If someone commits a microaggression, pause for a moment and take a few deep breaths. This helps to calm you and allows you to think rationally, rather than reacting emotionally.
Decide what you want to achieve:
Once you are calm, ask yourself what you want to achieve by responding. Do you want to help this person increase their awareness? Or do you want to let them know you are offended and allow them to apologize?
Address the behavior: Discuss the incident with the individual involved directly. You may want to request a private conversation with them to avoid further attention, or you may choose to address it in the same medium in which it occurred.
For example, if the microaggression occurred in a meeting with your work team, you may choose to talk with the offending party after the meeting, or you may choose to interrupt the meeting and address the incident immediately. You should choose the method that makes you feel the most comfortable. You may also choose to escalate your concern to a supervisor or to your HR department so they can be present to witness and/or mediate the conversation. If your supervisor is the offending party and you don’t feel comfortable addressing them, it is best to reach out directly to HR.
Move on: Once you have discussed the incident with the individual, allow yourself to move on from the issue. It is unhealthy for you to hold onto the hurt from microaggressions. If HR was not present for your conversation with the individual involved, send an email to them summarizing the incident and ask that it be placed in the individual’s file.
The ideal way to combat workplace microaggressions is for employers to educate their workforce against these behaviors before they happen. Further, leaders and HR departments must place the burden of correcting these issues where it belongs: on the offending individual, not the person targeted.
Avoid committing microaggressions yourself:
Finally, make sure you’re not making others uncomfortable either. If someone informs you that you have committed a microaggression, you should immediately apologize. Do not get defensive by justifying your behavior or downplaying their experience. Apologize sincerely and commit to not repeating that behavior.
It is normal to be curious about someone’s lifestyle and culture. It’s normal to notice changes and differences in their physical appearance. It is not normal or acceptable to call this out to “other” a person in a professional setting. The COVID-19 pandemic has made many of us visitors in each other’s homes as we work remotely. While you’re there, be a respectful guest.