Child called dad’s girlfriend ‘Mommy’

Dear Dr. Blackstone: My son and daughter-in-law have been separated for a year. They have shared custody of their 4-year-old son. My son was very unhappy but chose to put up with it until he met someone else. Daughter-inlaw did not handle the breakup well. There was lots of crying, screaming, threats, accusations, and harassment by phone, text and email.

They minimally co-parent. Son originally came up with a unique nickname for the child to call his girlfriend but in the last week I have heard the child and my son refer to her as Mommy. When I spoke to my son about this, he got defensive, said the child did it spontaneously, and that his girlfriend is a better mom to the child than his real mom. She’s not a better mom, they just have different parenting styles. Am I wrong?

Dear Reader: No, you are not wrong. You are absolutely right — and so was your son by making up a unique nickname for his girlfriend.

Where he went wrong was when he let his personal animosity for the mother cloud his good judgment. Never compare a biological parent and a new partner. A new partner is simply a third voice that supports the biological parent’s parenting. If they love the child, that’s a bonus.

If this happens again, the best plan is for Dad to gently correct his son, even if it is initiated spontaneously.

Their baby didn’t ask for any of this and it’s his welfare that needs to be considered first. (Good Ex-etiquette for parents rule No. 1). The rest is all selfish drama.

It’s time to wise up, stop being selfish no matter what went on in the marriage, and make decisions with the child in mind.