Engaging kids on video calls

Dear Dr. Blackstone: I lost my Thanksgiving this year and I’m afraid I’m going to lose my time over Christmas break, as well. My son and daughter, age 5 and 7, were scheduled to be with me, but because my mother lives with me and the state suggestion is to limit visitors over the holidays, their mom and I decided that they should stay with her this year. I feel like I’m losing touch. Calling on the phone or a video call falls flat. Here I’ve tried to do what’s right and cooperate with their mom, but I feel like I’m losing my kids. What’s good ex-etiquette?

Dear Reader: Just remember, you didn’t “lose” anything. Your loved ones are winning because you are working together in their best interest.

An obvious answer is some sort of video conferencing. You need a “think-out-of-the-box” approach that keeps your kids engaged during a video call and makes them look forward to talking to you again.

Of course, different tactics for different age groups, but here’s an example of a think-out-ofthe-box approach for kids the age of your children. My daughter took her son on an around the block scavenger hunt. She prepared a list and they looked for things on the list as they walked around the block. It kept him occupied and they talked about the rocks, or pinecone, or why leaves turn brown in the fall.

Try incorporating that concept into a video call. With your co-parent’s support, prepare a list of things the kids can find around the house and go on a little scavenger hunt via FaceTime. They can prepare a list for you to find, as well. This isn’t about you, it’s about your kids and putting them first. They deserve time with both of their parents — and that’s good ex-etiquette.