Sweetness given but not returned

Dear Annie: Each year, my family celebrates Thanksgiving and Christmas with my parents and my brother’s family. When I was a teenager, my grandma taught me how to make her special holiday dishes that have been our family tradition for many years. Eventually, my grandma was no longer able to cook, and later, she passed away, so I took over for her to keep these family traditions alive.

This year, due to COVID

19, I informed my parents and brother that I would deliver Thanksgiving dinner to them. They seemed very excited, and I purchased separate turkeys and all the ingredients.

Today, I was blindsided when my parents’ friend called to tell me that they are joining my parents for dinner and they plan to bring the turkey and stuffing. They bragged about how good the food will be because they are buying it from a gourmet restaurant. By the end of the conversation, I had no other choice but to say that I decided not to bake the turkey I thawed in my refrigerator for my parents. They knew I planned to make them a special meal but could not tell me that their friends are now bringing the main courses.

Do you have any suggestions on how I should deal with this holiday meal letdown?

— Holiday Heartbroken

Dear Holiday Heartbroken:

This type of parental behavior is painful. The best way to deal with it is to first to acknowledge it, which you did by writing this letter, and then to understand that we cannot control other people’s actions toward us; we can only control our response. So, understand that your mom must be unhappy about something if she is treating you in such a manner. Try to focus on all the other family members who appreciate what you do.

You might want to consider having a straightforward conversation with your parents. They might not even be aware of how their actions make you feel.