3 questions to skip small talk and build real connections

One of the best ways to build real connections is to have authentic conversations. And yet, most people begin a conversation with the same basic questions, “How are you?” or “What do you do?” These questions cause your mind to respond with some predisposed script that elicits no emotion. Try these questions instead.

1. How are you feeling?

Skip the age-old question, “How are you?” and instead ask them how they are feeling. This simple tweak in wording opens up a richer conversation that is rooted in the present moment. They immediately must turn inward, survey their current state, and then respond. All thoughts about the busy day behind them or the stressful week ahead are put on pause. And, if someone isn’t doing well this conversation suddenly has become an opportunity for you to support them.

2. What has been lighting you up recently? Instead of asking someone what they do, ask them what brings them joy. When you ask someone what their role is, it becomes an egocentric question where the person begins to wonder if their career experience, job title, or accolades are enough to stand out. This directly puts someone in their head where they are consciously, or subconsciously, sizing themselves up. This more curious question is all about determining someone’s passion. While most people don’t often have an immediate answer, it gets them thinking.

3. What is your story?

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While this is opened ended, it gives them the opportunity to pick and choose what valuable information from their life they want you to know. Often times, they share intimate and unique details about themselves that you wouldn’t have ever known to ask. While they tell their story, lean in, and become curious about why they did what they did and what made them choose their distinct path.