She’s not around, but pictures are

Dear Dr. Blackstone: I am a single father of three near adult children. I have been raising them alone for the last two years. I thought it best to leave our family pics around the house just as they were when we were a family. It’s been two years and we’ve settled into a routine, but I’m wondering if it’s still healthy for the kids to see pictures of our intact family in every room. Was I right to keep the pictures out as they used to be? What’s good ex-etiquette?

Dear Reader: My answer could change depending on why your children’s mother left. Was it for someone else? Addiction? Mental health? Boredom? Did she pass away? Let me answer your question in a general way and you can apply the principles to your particular situation.

If you remove the pictures immediately after mom leaves it will look like you’re trying to remove her from your life (or family) and that’s certainly not healthy, either. The transition should be done slowly.

Display pictures as your life is now: pictures of you and the kids, having fun, on trips, favorite activities. If they would like a picture of their mother, consider displaying some in their room. That way the common area displays your family as it is now, but you are also acknowledging their personal history.

Another consideration about those family pictures? If you remove them because you have met someone else, your kids may equate their removal with your desire to leave their mother’s memory behind and resent your new partner.

You can see this is all a well-timed dance based in acknowledgment of your history and acceptance of past and present, looking toward the future. Let love be your guide. That’s good ex-etiquette.

Dr. Jann Blackstone is the author of “Ex-etiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After Divorce or Separation.” Email her at drjannblackstone@ gmail.com