Cancer won’t stop coach’s support for young athletes
Asked last year to describe Poquoson High boys basketball assistant coach Parker Topping’s daily struggle just to be at practice, Islanders senior Jackson Harper said, “He walks through the gates of hell every day and he’s still out there for us at all times.”
Each step is more difficult now, as Topping’s terminal cancer — diagnosed 2½ years ago — inches its way toward its inevitable conclusion. What Topping still refuses to acknowledge, in his words or actions, is that it could take him soon.
So, with every step, he builds an inspirational legacy for a group of young men he has coached since they were 8 or 9. Topping guided them last fall to a surprise AAU championship and, this past week, to the doorstep of the high school state tournament long after outlasting his oncologist’s prognosis.
“He’s 12 months past his life expectancy, but it doesn’t show because he’s always fighting,” Harper said. “He’s always willing to give up his time for us and always looking for ways to get us better.
“He says he does it for himself, and we know he’s struggling, but he can always pull it together to be here for us.”
Although Topping doesn’t wear his pain on the sleeves of the North Carolina Tar Heel-blue shirts he favors, he admits cancer and unending treatments for it are taking a toll. He beat colon cancer in 2007 with 28 radiation treatments and 12 rounds of chemotherapy, only to be diagnosed in mid-2018 with liver cancer that soon spread to his lungs.
That’s when the oncologist told him he’d live 22 months or less. Topping scoffed at the notion and has fought his cancer through 64 rounds of chemo and counting.
Only two weeks ago, Topping joined Henry Ayer, Robert Turner and Harvey Brown — three of his closest friends since elementary school — duck hunting on Poquoson’s Back River.
“This is a guy facing a life-and-death situation and it’s not stopping him,” Ayer said. “I’ve got a saying, ‘If you stop living for fear of dying, you ain’t living anyway.’
“Parker’s living and loving life in the face of death.”
Among his greatest joys is North Carolina basketball. Invited to Chapel Hill for a game a couple of years ago, Topping met some of the Tar Heels’ players and legendary coach Roy Williams, who has since written him.
On behalf of the entire university men’s basketball team and staff, I wanted you to know I was thinking about you and wish you all the best. I know you’re going through a whole lot right now and I encourage you to stay positive and keep fighting.
You know your team is behind you 100 percent. I remember meeting you and your son and was very sorry to hear about your illness, but I know you are strong and you can beat this. Please take care and know that UNC men’s basketball sends their love and prayers.
Most sincerely,
Coach (Roy) Williams
Topping reveled in the Tar Heels’ win this month over rival Duke, but nonetheless respects Blue Devils coach Mike Krzyzweski immensely. When Krzyzewski heard about Topping’s challenges from Joe Barto — Topping’s friend who played on Coach K’s first two teams at the United State Military Academy in the 1970s — he sent him a signed plaque.
To Coach Topping,
Thanks for all of the leading and following your heart. Stay strong forever.
Mike Krzyzewski.
Topping’s greatest source of happiness has been assisting Todd Bowden with the Poquoson High boys basketball team. His first goal following the terminal cancer diagnosis was to live long enough to be with son Parker Jr. for Poquoson basketball “Senior Night” a year ago.
Topping wept during the ceremony when Parker Jr. exclaimed, “Dad, we did it! We did it!” He was equally happy to be with his son on graduation day in June.
“There are no words to explain what a thrill that was for me,” Topping said.
Still more lay ahead. Topping organized and coached the Islanders’ varsity players on an AAU team this fall, drawing their awe and appreciation for ensuring they would play when it was uncertain they would have a high school season. They repaid his commitment — often coaching them six hours a day, senior Wyatt Freeman said — by winning their division. They beat larger schools Granby, Maury and Kellam on their way to the title.
“That meant a lot because he’s been coaching us since we were in third or fourth grade,” Freeman said. “He’s sacrificed a lot for us, and always brings energy even when he’s feeling down.”
Topping struggles most every other Monday, when he undergoes chemotherapy in Richmond, but every day is in truth a major struggle. Lung damage leaves him short of breath, while the deterioration of his liver, stomach and intestines causes pain and indignities he prefers not to describe.
“I’m not going to lie, my time is getting closer and I’m scared,” Topping said. “But I’m going to handle it with grace and dignity and show people close to me and the team that I’m going to do this the right way.”
Harper thinks he already has.
“I’ve learned from Coach Topping about making the most of every opportunity, because you don’t know how many you have left,” he said. “It’s been an honor and inspiration to have someone like him in our lives.”
To which Topping says, “Right back at you.” The 90-minute bus trip to King William High with the Islanders on Wednesday for the Class 2 Region A championship game is one of his biggest thrills.
Almost a decade ago, when he coached most of the Islanders as little kids, he sold them on the dream of leading Poquoson to its first high school state tournament. Although the Islanders fell short against more-talented King William, they played well, adding more joy to Topping’s difficult journey.
“You just hug each other afterward and say ‘I love you,’” Topping said of the Islanders’ final game. “Those kids gave me something to look forward to, to battle for.
“My belief in God and in myself has helped me get this far, but Poquoson High School basketball is a huge part of it. These kids have taken me on the ride of a lifetime.”