Wonderword

HOW TO PLAY Words listed below appear horizontally, vertically, diagonally, even backward. Circle letters only, not the word. The leftover letters spell the wonderword.

Dear Dr. Blackstone: I do not get along with my husband’s ex-wife. We share the kids 50⁄50 and it seems like she is always around. I know it’s wrong to say, but I resent having to deal with her. What happened to the days when an ex was an ex? This is not what I signed up for. What’s good ex-etiquette?

Dear Reader: Oh, but it is. It’s exactly what you signed up for. Even if your husband’s parenting plan was different when you married, there is always the possibility that things will change. What happened to the days when an ex was an ex? Joint custody happened — and you married a man with joint custody of his children.

I met my husband when his kids were very little — 3 and 6 — and it took “his ex” and me about three or four years to figure it out. I believe it would have saved a lot of time and heartache if someone would have called us out at the time and reminded us that what was important was the welfare of the kids going back and forth. We eventually figured it out and became good enough friends to reach out to one another for help.

I learned that it starts out with something as simple as a corrected mindset — and the label you use to describe a person often frames the way you think of that person. So, instead of “the ex,” she became the “children’s mother.” Most think of their partner’s ex as you do — a sort of disposable, throw away person that’s a pain in their side. An “ex” receives very little respect, however, the “children’s mother” or father automatically carries more weight.

Losing the ex/new label made a difference in how we treated each other. That’s good ex-etiquette.

Dr. Jann Blackstone is the author of “Ex-etiquette for Parents.” Email her at the Ex-Etiquette website exetiquette.com at dr.jann@exetiquette.com