Challenger

HOW TO PLAY Fill each square with a number, one through nine. n Horizontal squares should add to totals on right. n Vertical squares should add to totals on bottom. n Diagonal squares through center should add to

total in upper and lower right.

Dear Miss Manners: My brother’s wife absolutely hates his ex-girlfriend, and verbally states so at every given opportunity. She does so using vulgar terms, regardless of who is around — my children, my parents, other family members, complete strangers.

This now-married couple began their relationship while they were both in other live-in relationships. They would lie to their partners about where they were and who they were with. My brother kept it secret from our family for years while they cheated together, and when it all came out, there were messy breakups. The two of them have now been married about two years.

My brother has often asked me what I think of his wife, and Miss Manners, I am at a loss as to how to respond. I have told him, “I don’t know her well enough to answer that yet.”

How do I shut down the ultimatums and let my brother’s wife know that I do not wish to fight with her?

Gentle Reader: Although she does not know your brother, Miss Manners agrees that he does not believe your feelings for your sister-in-law are neutral. This is not a problem, but an opportunity, as your sister-in-law is clearly not someone with whom you can have a civil conversation about the ex-girlfriend.

The answer to your brother is that you really want to love your sister-in-law as you know he does, “but her ultimatums about the ex make it a challenge.” This may be more subtle than the quid pro quos to which your brother has become accustomed, but for that reason, it is less likely to damage your relationship with him.