How should I help a friend?

Dear Carolyn: Many years on from high school graduation, I have the opportunity to visit classmates, including a peripheral friend from our small graduating class. This person was described to me as hard to reach and seemingly down on his luck, maybe even homeless. So when visiting this old “friend,” how do I approach it? Just listen, flat-out offer help, talk? — Anonymous

Anonymous: Visit? You sure? COVID? Assuming pandemic precautions: Treat him as you would any old friend — show an interest, let him tell you how to proceed.

Share of yourself, too, as you would with any peer. Since you have some knowledge of his circumstances, be mindful of them and sensitive in your choice of topic, of course — no robber-baron reminiscences — but that’s no different from the way you approach someone you’re meeting cold, right, whose circumstances you don’t know? You don’t just tromp into a conversation without testing the ground first. Same applies here.

Dear Carolyn: Sometimes I, a 30-year-old man, wish my close guy friends were a little more emotionally open. I always talk to my girlfriend about any problems or emotional issues I have, but it would be nice to connect on that level with my bros! Yet whenever we talk about life, we talk about it factually, without touching on its emotional aspects.

How do I open up to them? —SentiMENtal

SentiMENtal: Like anything else new — you just suggest where you want to go, a little bit, then see if anyone goes along. So, when a guy friend offers a fact, you read the moment and ask a leading question or you offer a feeling of your own, and wait for the magic to happen.

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