Objection to use of ‘girls’ Are T-shirts new normal?
Hello, Carolyn: I’m a 72-yearold male and consider myself a feminist in the sense of equality. Not infrequently, I have interacted with women who refer to other female employees as girls. Since they may not see me cringe, hidden by my masks, what can I say to object? — L.
Dear L.: A feminist man concerned about equal opportunity for women might want to make the ongoing, disproportionate reliance on women to fill what are generally low-paid, public-facing, crucial clerical positions, and the lingering effects in the workplace of centuries of American male chauvinism that represents, the focus of his well-meaning concern. Maybe not interrupting their workflow to judge and correct them, in the meantime, is the most accessible means you have to pitch in for the cause.
Dear Carolyn: COVID has really separated us. My 45-year-old daughter and her family live three hours away from me. I haven’t seen her in person or on video chat for 14 months. I have reached out several times to schedule a visit, masked and distanced, but she refuses. I’ve also asked to FaceTime with just adults to try to work this out. She refuses. How can a mother break through? — Feeling Helpless and Hopeless
Dear Feeling Helpless and Hopeless: A mother can’t, if her daughter doesn’t want that. Something else is going on here. Your response to her every “no” is to try a new angle — and that alone can strain a relationship. What matters is that you become a better listener, stat: “You’ve been saying no, and I’ve been so caught up in changing your mind that I forgot to listen. I’m sorry. I will take no for an answer and stop pushing.”
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Dear Miss Manners: I am a lawyer in D.C., and I just completed a relatively prestigious yearlong fellowship/ clerkship. I have had two job interviews thus far and both times, I was surprised to find the interviewers wearing T-shirts, whereas I was wearing a suit. Is it normal to wear T-shirts for interviews and meetings during the pandemic? It seems almost disrespectfully informal to me.
Gentle reader: The logic runs thus: Universal work-fromhome is uncharted territory. Therefore, old etiquette does not apply. Therefore, I can conduct business meetings in my pajamas. You will not be surprised to hear that Miss Manners disagrees. Just because the person who has the power to award the job is wearing gym clothes does not mean that they will not feel disrespected if you do the same.
Dear Miss Manners: My friend had a conflict with her now-former roommate when they were each moving out. When my friend rented a moving van, the roommate asked if she could borrow it to move her stuff across town. The final rental cost was about $600. My friend believes that the price should be split equally between them; the ex-roommate thinks that because she only used it for a couple of hours, she only owes $50. I kind of agree with the roommate. But I feel awkward, because my friend was looking for someone to commiserate with her. What would you do?
Gentle reader: What you did is acceptable and also makes your point, albeit while leaving you feeling awkward. Avoid the awkwardness next time. To do that, you need merely shorten the gap between your casual agreement and your changing the subject.
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