Girlfriend argues over smallest details
Dear Harriette: I’m exhausted by my argumentative girlfriend. I genuinely believe that she likes to argue just for the sake of arguing. The other day, I told her my personal preference about a certain food, and she argued with me. It’s getting to a point where I feel that I just have to keep my personal preferences and opinions to myself. — Always Arguing
Dear Always Arguing:
Do you know the saying, “When people show you who they are, believe them?” Well! It is likely that if your girlfriend argues about everything now, she will continue. It is not healthy in a relationship to keep your opinions to yourself. The whole idea of being in a relationship is so that you can share your thoughts, ideas, hopes and dreams with another person. Shutting down will not work in the long run.
What you may want to do is some investigating. How did your girlfriend grow up? What was her family life like? Were there lots of arguments? Did arguing indicate engagement, even love? Your girlfriend may believe that her debating style is a sign of endearment, whereas you consider it annoying and agitating. Do your best to figure out why she argues incessantly. Once you have a good idea, you can approach her about it. Tell her what you have observed. Tell her how her constant arguing makes you feel. Ask her to tone it down.
Dear Harriette: I am uncomfortable with the amount of work-related phone calls and text messages that I receive on my personal phone after hours. I don’t want anyone texting me after 5 p.m. unless it is urgent. I do not want to offend, but how can I be sure that this won’t happen to me in the future? What is the most polite way to ask work colleagues to leave me alone? — After Hours
Dear After Hours: Worklife balance virtually evaporated during quarantine. Office hours collapsed for many people when they started working from home. Creating boundaries around time became even harder than it was before. It is important to create limitations around your time that fall within reason of where you work.
I will venture to guess that a hard out at 5 p.m. is unrealistic in today’s working world unless you punch a clock. You may want to talk to your supervisor and colleagues. Suggest that unless something is urgent, you will handle it the next morning. Ask them to label texts as urgent if they expect an immediate reply.
Your challenge will be whether or not you can convince others to follow your recommendations. If you are the only one turning off your phone and you disrupt the workflow, that may negatively impact you and your team. But you may be willing to take a stand. If nobody speaks up, you will not be able to break the cycle of endless work at all hours of the day and night.