Parent annoyed by friend’s labeling
Dear Harriette: My daughter went to her prom with one of her girlfriends, and then the two of them hung with her whole friend group and had a blast. We posted really fun photos from pre-prom, but what happened next was not what we expected. Several friends reached out to me to ask if our daughter is gay. Because she went with a girlfriend, they assumed this must be “her girlfriend.”
As it turns out, my daughter and this girl are simply friends. But what if that weren’t the case? If these two were girlfriends, that would be all right with me — and it really shouldn’t be anybody’s business. These kids are just now coming into their own. I don’t want to put labels on them. Why are some of the adults in our lives trying to do that to my daughter? — Labels
Dear Labels: Calm down. Yes, the adults in your life are curious about your daughter. When was the last time that they saw her? Chances are, she looked beautiful in her prom dress, and they were first marveling at how grown-up she is and remembering her when she was little. Next is the fact that she was with a girl. It’s not an unusual thought that this girl could be her love interest. Often, teens attend prom with the person they are dating. Just as often, as in your daughter’s case, they attend with a friend. Rather than getting bothered by the questions, just answer with the truth: This is her friend from wherever she’s from — school, the neighborhood, a social club, whatever.
Don’t make a big deal of it, and it won’t grow into something more.
Dear Harriette: I have two children. I have poured all of my energy into the one who has special needs. Now I realize that my other child, a 13-yearold, has been neglected. Because he is so independent and capable of doing for himself, I didn’t notice how much he needed me. Now he seems resentful of how much time I spend with my daughter. I need to fix this before he grows up and leaves the house, but how can I? — Off-Balance
Dear Off-Balance: Sit down with your son and address the elephant in the room. Apologize to him for not being attentive enough. Tell him you know that his sibling has needed a lot of attention, but that you didn’t mean to neglect him. Promise to do better moving forward. Set aside time each week just for your son. Perhaps you can go on an outing together. You might cook side-by-side or play a game. Help him with homework or take a walk. Even if you have to get someone to come in and be with your other child during this time, make it a priority so that your son sees your focused commitment to shine your light on him. If you do this consistently without breaking your promise, over time your son will grow to cherish this time that is just for the two of you.