Children have no interest in relationship

Dear Harriette: I feel like my kids as adults are losing respect for me. When your kids are young, they look up to you for everything and trust in you. My kids are all college age and older. They are leaving the nest and not looking back. They throw their bad memories as kids at me, saying that I was manipulative and a liar. But parents, we know what it’s like when kids throw tantrums or when they get into trouble as teenagers and they just won’t listen. I did what I needed to raise smart, strong kids, and I feel like I succeeded. All I want now is to enjoy a mature adult relationship with my kids, but they want nothing to do with me. I just feel like I gave my life to them, and now I am hated and alone. Was I a bad mother? — Miss My Kids

Dear Miss My Kids: For some families, it takes time and separation for closeness to rekindle between parents and adult children. Without knowing your particular circumstances, I can say that it takes a lot for many young people to leave home and begin to make decisions on their own. On one hand, they have the lessons and values you have instilled in them; on the other, they have personal agency and the requirement to act independently. This can create friction for some young people and trigger emotion around the parent-child dynamic.

You have done your job. Continue to let them know you want them to be part of your life, but don’t push.

Dear Harriette: My biggest goal this year is to stop playing with my own potential. With my busy schedule and starting a new job, I feel like God is finally opening doors for me and wants me to use my talent. There are many opportunities coming my way, and I don’t want to miss out on anything that can get me closer to where I want to be.

But the reality is that I can’t do it all. If I try to take on everything, I know that my effort and energy toward each opportunity won’t be as strong and focused. How can I make the decision as to what opportunities I am going to take, and how do I decide which ones to turn down? — I Want It All

As a person of faith, sit back

Dear I Want It All:

and pray about it. Ask for clarity for next steps. Look for inner guidance on what appeals to you most. You need to choose one path, at least for now, and focus your energy on that.

Do your job and become good at it. Allot at least one hour a day to cultivate a dream that you have chosen to explore. Choose one dream at a time and give yourself time to see how it evolves. If you follow the discipline of daily focus on one idea, you will see results in a few months that will tell you whether you should continue to pursue that goal or choose another.