Focus on the positive with a new boss

Dear Harriette: I have a new boss, and I feel like this is a new opportunity. For two years I worked with a woman who always talked over me and rarely listened. I stuck around because I liked the company and needed the job. I think if I share my ideas with my new boss and show her how much of an asset I can be to the business, she may begin to see me differently from how the old one did. My question is whether I should mention to her what didn’t work well with my previous boss. I don’t want to come off as a complainer, but she was horrible. What do I say if she asks me directly about her? — New Boss

Dear New Boss: Focus on the positive and the opportunities before you with this new leader. Be sure to learn what her goals are. Listen carefully so that you are clear about her expectations and plans. Then let her know how you can support her ideas and share any pertinent insights you believe will be beneficial. Resist the urge to complain about your former boss. You can be vague in answering questions about her so that you do not lie, but make it clear that you look forward to working with this new leader and being an integral part of her team. As things come up over time, you can share limited details about your work experience with your previous boss when it is necessary to understand some part of your business. Otherwise, keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself.

Dear Harriette: I am dating a guy who is from another country. He is kind and interesting, and I really like him. My issue is that he has serious underarm odor. I don’t think he wears deodorant. Even though he appears to be clean, on a hot day I can hardly stand to be around him. I know this is a sensitive topic, but if we are ever to be intimate, I don’t know how I could stand it. What can I do or say? — Pit Patrol

Dear Pit Patrol: Many people around the world do not wear deodorant. Also, depending on what people eat, their bodies may smell differently. That said, if you want to build a close relationship with this man and his body odor is standing in the way, you will have to say something. Yes, it may feel awkward, but the best way is to just come out and tell him. Point out that in your culture, deodorant is commonplace, and you have noticed that he doesn’t seem to use it. Tell him that sometimes he has a strong underarm odor that bothers you. Ask him if he would consider wearing deodorant or using powder or something else to freshen himself. He might be offended at first, but if he really wants to be with you, chances are, he will try to do something to make it easier for you to be in intimate environs with him.