Client could let contractor renovate her life
Dear Amy: I’m a senior woman, divorced for more than half my life.
Recently I’ve hired a worker (30 years younger than I) to update my home, which needed work done.
During the time he’s been working in my home, we’ve become friendly.
Lately I find myself having fantasies about us becoming “friends with benefits,” and he has made a few comments which lead me to believe that he may feel the same way.
I’m uncomfortable with these feelings, but seem powerless to stop.
How should I handle this extremely uncomfortable situation?
— The Older Woman
Dear Older Woman: Fifteen years ago, I called a guy I went to high school with to renovate my house. He renovated my life, instead.
My point is that it is possible to meet “Mr. Right” — or “Mr. Right Now” — in your own living room.
If you don’t want to become involved with this man, then you should limit your time spent with him, get him to finish up the contracted work, pay him, send him on his way and continue to live your life.
However, life is short. Hot sex is great.
Understand that there are qualifications about staying safe. Do what you can to find out about this man beyond his Yelp reviews, and if you decide to go for it, use a condom.
No change in your circumstances is guaranteed to be seamless, happy or easy.
Any involvement with him would bring on questions, uncertainty and quite possibly an uncomfortable upheaval for you.
But — I repeat — a sexual reawakening is life-affirming and lovely.
Even the emotional pain that might accompany the outcome of the “friends with benefits” scenario can be worth it, because reconnecting with your sensual side will remind you to love yourself, to live fully in your own body, and that it’s OK to be daring.
The Emma Thompson film “Good Luck to You, Leo Grande” (streaming on Hulu) might inspire you.
Dear Amy: “Trying to be Accommodating” described their discomfort hiking with friends who “dragged” their very young children (ages 2 and 4) on an 8-hour hike in the heat and over rough terrain.
The kids did most of the walking themselves, and “cried the whole time.” I was one of those kids. I was taken backpacking at 3 years old. I learned to ski when I was 2. When I fell behind, my parents said they wanted me to learn independence and they would “just go on ahead.” By the time I was 14, I’d been left on the Knife
Edge of Mount Katahdin in Maine, rescued by the snow patrol in Italy, and found by strangers who carried me on their shoulders up Mount Washington.
This behavior is traumatic for those children, and if they are pushed beyond their limits in this way consistently, it will only get worse.
It’s one thing to “not spoil” or to “not give in” to a child. It’s another thing to ignore actual distress.
Dear JA: Some readers responded that the parental behavior described from “Trying to be Accommodating” amounts to abuse, and I agree.
In my response, I suggested ways for “Trying” to respond to the parents, urging them to lessen the length and challenge of this year’s annual hike, but I didn’t focus on the troubling parenting choices, and I should have.
Thank you for your response. Mount Katahdin is described as a “very strenuous” 8- to 12-hour hike. I could hardly bear to even watch a video of a hiker on the mountain’s Knife Edge (described as “deadly”); I cannot imagine being left there alone.
Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers, as well as the rescue squads who risk their own safety to help those stranded. You sound like a true survivor.
Dear Amy: “Annoyed Little Sister” was bothered by her brother’s incessant bragging. Through childhood, their mother had always set them up in a competition, with the brother on the bottom.
This sounds like my childhood. Blatant parental favoritism damages sibling relationships throughout life. I’ve found ways to rise above it, but the sadness endures.
Dear Annoyed: Parents write the script, while siblings spend the rest of their lives reciting it.