Husband can’t keep track of his teeth
Dear Harriette: My husband has had false teeth for more than 20 years, so he is accustomed to them. When he drinks heavily, though, he often takes them out of his mouth and puts them who knows where, only to be searching madly for them the next day. I find this infuriating and irresponsible. One time it took him a few days to find his teeth, so he had to go to work looking absolutely crazy.
Anyhow, he repeated this awful behavior the other day. I attempted to intervene by suggesting that he put his teeth in his tooth cup. He sneered at me and kept on drinking. I’m sick of this. I hate when he gets that drunk, but what’s worse is having to be enlisted in the search for his teeth the next day. How can I get him to wake up and see that what he’s doing isn’t working? — Lost His Teeth
Dear Lost His Teeth: Stop enabling your husband. As frustrating and embarrassing as it may be for him to be without his teeth in the light of day, especially if he has to interact with others, that is his problem, not yours. Tell him that he is on his own in the search department. Remind him of why his teeth are missing, even though he will hate hearing it, and make it clear that you are no longer willing to participate in the aftermath of his drunken evenings.
Dear Harriette: I have a number of health challenges that require me to have regular medical checkups and to take a few different medications. My husband has no patience for this. He thinks I am a hypochondriac and that I am taking too many medications. He doesn’t believe in going to the doctor and tells me that if I would only exercise and take the fistfuls of vitamins that he takes, I would be OK. I don’t doubt that more exercise and some vitamins might help, but he is constantly admonishing me for my health problems. I feel like I am retreating to a corner because of how we interact. How can I make our relationship more amicable on this topic? — Listen to Me
Dear Listen to Me: Tell your husband that you need and want his support regarding your health challenges and that right now it feels like you receive only criticism. Point out that you know the two of you do not see eye to eye on health management, but you are grappling with some real health issues, and you would appreciate being able to share the journey with him. Ask him to listen to you without judgment and to try to be supportive.
Meanwhile, you should enlist someone else who is sympathetic to your condition to serve as a confidant. You may even want to consider making somebody else your health proxy in case of emergency. If your husband is not up on your situation and is either impatient or skeptical of your health concerns, he may not be the best person to help you in case of emergency.