A parent’s hypocrisy leads to distrust

I pride myself on teaching my daughter how to honor her commitments, including holding confidential information. She has demonstrated that she is good at that, and I am very proud of her. What I am not proud of is my own behavior. I could kick myself.

My daughter did something that made me feel good about her, and I shared it with my extended family when we were all together recently. Never mind that it was a sensitive matter and the whole point was that my daughter did not reveal the information to anyone as she helped a friend. I spilled the beans entirely, and then my sister congratulated my daughter on her good behavior, which let my daughter know that I had broken her confidence. What a mess! I immediately apologized, but the damage had been done. I know my daughter doesn’t feel like she can trust me to keep her secrets since I have proven that I cannot. How can I regain her trust? — One More Chance

Sit down with your daughter and apologize again for telling her business to your family. Be clear with her that you aren’t making an excuse, but you do want to tell her what happened. Because you are so proud of her, you wanted to brag about her to the family. Of course that was wrong, and you realized it the moment the words came out of your mouth, but then it was too late. Promise that you will never make that mistake again. Ask for her forgiveness and for her to trust you again. It may take time for that to happen.

Dear One More Chance:

Dear Harriette: My wife and I have totally different interests when it comes to what we watch on TV, and ever since the pandemic started we watch a whole lot of TV. We end up being in two different rooms for most of the time that we are at home together, getting fully absorbed into whatever each of us likes, hardly ever coming out to talk to each other. I don’t like this and don’t think it’s healthy for our relationship, but whenever we have tried to watch each other’s shows, it feels like a defeat for someone. What can we do to end up in the same room again? — No Shared Screen Time

Dear No Shared Screen Time:

Consider turning the TVs off — both of them. Suggest that the two of you spend at least an hour each day or evening when all screens are off and you spend the time together. It could be over a meal or just being together talking. You can go a step further and suggest that on weekends you schedule time to go out together so that screens aren’t even a temptation. Recall what you two once enjoyed doing as a couple, and recommend one of those activities. Go for a walk or a drive in your hometown. Engage in activities with each other and sometimes with friends. This will help break the habit of retreating to your different TV rooms and will potentially spark renewed interest in interacting with each other.