Friend wants to hang outside of work

Dear Harriette: I ran into a woman at work I hadn’t connected with for more than a year. We have been saying that we were going to get together for dinner, but neither of our schedules would match up.

I’m going to say we made dates and broke them about four or five times. When we saw each other today, it was really nice, but we both looked at each other and laughed, saying it takes work to get us together. There was something that was sad about that. She and I really like each other, but we never could get together. It may never have happened if our jobs hadn’t scheduled it. I don’t want to be that person who puts work before everything. How can I change? — Put Me First

Dear Put Me First: Let this moment serve as a wake-up call. You have to do your job, but it is time to reassess your priorities. If you value this woman, why did you not make time for her before now? How many people that you care about do you put off because you are too busy at work? Make a list of your personal priorities. This list should include people, communities and activities that matter to you. Then prioritize this list and start checking it off. If you include your personal priorities alongside your work requirements, it will be easier for you to see how you are spending your time and what you need to move up on the list.As far as this woman goes, make a date right now that both of you feel will work, and then honor that commitment. You will thank yourself for it!

Dear Harriette: My neighbor has two young children. They are nice people and mostly spend time by themselves. A couple of times, though, my neighbor has asked me to watch her children for her. I do not have children and have spent very little time with them in my life. The one time that I said yes, the oldest kid was throwing stuff in my apartment and ended up hurting himself — not badly, but still. I am clueless as to how to care for little kids. I don’t want that responsibility again. But my neighbor continues to ask me to help her out. How can I let her know that I don’t feel equipped or interested in babysitting?

Dear Not A Sitter: Is there anything else you can do to help your neighbor? Maybe you can offer to make a grocery store run or pick up the dry cleaning, something that will help this young mother out. It is kind to make the effort to support her. Rather than simply saying no when she asks for help, tell her that you are willing to help, but you are unwilling to watch her kids. Be clear that you do not think it is safe for them or comfortable for you. Remind her that you have no experience with caring for children.