Tales by recovering addicts trigger personal experiences
Marcos Ramos was ambushed by guilt and nightmares before alcoholism occupied his life.
The 50-year-old U.S. Marine Corps veteran from Aurora, Illinois, served our country from 1989 to 1993, assigned to more than 10 different USMC units in 15 countries.
“The things people in these countries do to survive is nearly inconceivable to most Americans,” Ramos recalled. “As a young man, 18 to 22 years old, I saw and did things that I am no longer proud of, or laugh at. After I left the Marines, these things I saw and did now haunt me.”
He escaped by drinking booze. His drink of choice is still Bacardi Gold and rum.
“I became an alcoholic,” he told me.
Ramos was one of many recovering alcoholics who contacted me in response to my recent column about a 41-year-old man who died from alcoholism. He couldn’t beat it and his grieving mother wanted to warn others. “You must let others help you, but you have to help yourself too,” she told readers.
Ramos resonated with her message. He said he grew up in an era when such feelings were kept “in house” and not discussed with others. As a young Marine, proud machismo was everything, he said. He went with the flow and bottled his feelings.
“This was the beginning of my alcoholism,” he said. “To stop the bad dreams and guilt.”
It started as casual drinking with friends. One party at a time. One more round. One more excuse. His social routine turned into a cruel habit. Before Ramos realized it, he was a textbook addict. To save his marriage and his health he went into rehab in 2016.
“After four years sober, I fell off the wagon and I’m right back where I began,” Ramos said. “There are always underlying issues and demons that cause people to return to the bottle.”
Ramos’ demons reemerged when he and his wife of 23 years experienced marital problems, then divorced, he said. “I was mad at the world for this,” he said. “That is why I allowed the demons back in my life.”
Ramos, who has a 22-year-old son, knows that alcoholism doesn’t care about loved ones caught in the crossfire of the disease. It looms in the shadows, waiting to ensnare victims who lie to themselves about having “just one drink.” It’s like telling just one lie.
“More effort should be placed on curing the reason why they — we — continue to drink daily, knowing it hurts those we love, as opposed to those we left or are leaving alone,” Ramos said. “This is the single biggest reason why people don’t reach out and seek the help they need.”
Help may not be as handy as nearby liquor stores, but every community has support programs for alcoholics and their loved ones. Alcoholics Anonymous. Al-Anon. Adult Children of Alcoholics. And a national government helpline to find local resources 24/7: 800-662-4357.
In Northwest Indiana, the Lake Area Recovery Club has rescued many alcoholics, including one man who took his first drink at 13 to deal with his alcoholic father.
“He was big and loud. Everyone feared him. But when he was sober he was a different person. So it was hard for me to know what to expect,” he said.
After his first drink at 13, his fears diluted, his courage soared.
“That drink led to drugs and anything else I could put in my body to alter my mood,” he said. “This led to an overdose at 18, on PCP, that still affects me today.”
He dragged his alcoholism into every relationship.
“I was a highly functioning alcoholic and held down jobs in industry,” he said. “I was blind to what had happened to me my whole life.”
He found a glimmer of hope, and glaring truth, at the Lake Area Recovery Club, in Griffith, a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting individuals and their families in recovery. (For more information, call 219-595-0068).
“This club has saved many lives just by providing a place to be sober,” he said.
The Lake Area Recovery Club often partners with the Portage Recovery Association, another nonprofit organization offering a place for people to seek help for addiction recovery. It’s also hosting a fundraiser 4-8 p.m. Saturday at the Panera Bread restaurant in Portage. (For more info on PRA, go to www.portage recovery.com.)
“We offer a safe and affordable place for 12-step recovery groups to meet,” Nicole Walters said.
The stories I heard from the recovering alcoholics who contacted me triggered my own personal experiences with addicts. Like most alcoholics, they only liked advice if they agreed with it. And nothing, absolutely nothing, meant more to them than their next drink.
One of my family members who struggled with alcoholism once asked if I knew the difference between a thief and an addict.
“A thief will steal money from you and lie about it,” he said. “An addict will steal money from you and help you look for it.”
This happened to me personally with that family member, who is now dead and will forever remain anonymous.
Ramos’ story, however, reminds us that not all alcoholics need to remain anonymous.