A grandma by any other name — nonna, yiayia, glam-ma, even Anna — still as sweet to these ears
You can call me Donna.
You can call me Nonna.
Or, you can call me “Anna … not the one from ‘Frozen.’ ”
That’s the title my 5-year-old granddaughter has blessed upon me.
It was not what her mom and I agreed on way back when the new parents were trying to assign distinct names to each of their baby girl’s grandparents.
When she was about 18 months of age, the baby herself decided I was “Anna … not the one from ‘Frozen.’ ”
We were aiming for Nonna and Anna (pronounced Onna) came close and stuck the way the song “Let It Go” defies its own advice and hangs like an earworm.
So now, “Anna … not the one from ‘Frozen’ ” has been shortened to just plain Anna, which sits just fine with her 2-year-old brother.
And me.
For what’s in a name anyhow? That which we call a grandma by any other title still would be as soft and loving, amiright?
Like generations before us, baby boomer and Gen Xer grandparents strive to keep up. And, by most accounts, we’re doing a good job. In addition to lending both hands when needed, we’re Facetiming, downloading preschool and letting small hands scroll through our Amazon accounts from time to time.
Despite our need for tutorials on how to install car seats that weigh more than us, we’re holding our own.
Our hipness is sometimes reflected in our titles. Don’t be surprised to hear little voices addressing their grands as Kate or Joe or Debbie. While AARP reports that 70% of grandmas and 60% of grandpas are still called exactly that, the kinship terms are changing with the times.
Sometimes customized titles aim to help little ones distinguish one set of grandparents from another: Grandma on Dad’s side is Mimi, on Mom’s side she’s Nana. Sometimes, they reflect ethnicity, such as YiaYia or Abuela. And sometimes distinction comes by adding a birth name to the mix, as in Grandpa John or Grandma Smith.
Increasingly, modern grandparents are taking the guesswork out of titling altogether. According to AARP, a small but growing number of grandparents living in suburban areas are now addressed by only their first name.
Broadening the title pool these days are celebrities who have opted, even insisted, they be called Lovie or Honey or Lalo instead of Grandma. When he became a dad, actress Goldie Hawn’s son reportedly assigned his mom the title of Glam-Ma — for obvious reasons.
My title came in the most organic way. I just happened to become a grandma while Disney’s “Frozen” was on fire. At the time, my oldest grandchild struggled with the letter N. Thus Nonna, which is Italian for grandmother, became Onna, spelled Anna.
A couple of years later, her little brother came along and she taught him accordingly. Soon, my other daughter will have her first baby. We’ll see if titles jump households.
In the early days I wondered if my first grandchild had any idea where I perched on the family tree. Would I ever get credit for birthing and raising one of her parents?
Then one day, when she was 3, she came for a visit and simply blurted out, “You’re my mommy’s mom.”
And I said, “Yes, I am. I’m your grandma.”
“No, you’re not. You’re Anna.” At that moment I decided it didn’t matter that she understood the bloodline. I loved her so much she could call me Unicorn or Silly-Head or even “Elsa … not the one from ‘Frozen’ ” and I would continue to adore her.
Unconditional is how I’d describe my love for my own Nana, way back in the day. She was perfect — kind, soft-spoken, quick with the baked goods. She was the first person to read to me, which opened entire worlds. I don’t know what kind of mother she was. I only know I will love her forever for making me feel special.
My grandmother was a gift. And now I can say the same about my grandchildren. They are my opportunity to return my grandmother’s favor, to keep the love chain going.
Parenting can be a complicated, stressful job filled with objectives and to-do lists. But grandparenting is often a field trip away from expectations, a detour to a place where life is entirely about you.
It can be special, magical for both grandparents and grandchildren, and for that most essential generation that bridges us. Is there a greater joy than watching your mother or father gaze upon your children with pure love?
Which is why we can’t ever forget the havoc this horrible pandemic has wreaked upon families, particularly the two demographics that bookcase the human experience.
Twenty years ago, there were 56 million grandparents in the United States, according to an AARP survey. In recent years that number has swelled to 70 million.
But COVID-19 took a toll. According to the Centers for Disease Control, more than 140,000 children lost a primary or secondary caregiver — parents and grandparents — to the virus.
As we prepare to head over the river and through the woods later this month, let’s reflect and celebrate the special people in our lives. Whatever we call them. Because this world can be a very hard place and grandma or yiayia or “Anna … not the one from ‘Frozen’ ” can be a soft spot to land.