Woman gone gray asks: Why still dye?
DearAmy: Because of salons being closed during the pandemic, Iwas able to see the true color ofmy hair for the first time in decades. I lovemy natural salt-and-pepper hair color and decided to growout my hair.
I’m very happywithmy choice of not putting itchy chemicals onmy head and saving time and money.
I joined (online) groups withwomen who are also going through this transformation. Ninety-eight percent of thewomen look better in their real hair color, versus dyed hair.
Luckily for me, my mate, family and friends are supportive. Unfortunately, thewomen in these groups and I have all received negative comments from the people in our lives, and even fromstrangers. People tell us: “You’re going to look old; you’re letting yourself go; I’ll pay for you to have your hair dyed; no man will ever date you; nobody will hire you ...” and so forth.
Iwould never think to criticize someone’s appearance. I keep those opinions tomyself. Don’t people realize howhurtful these comments are? Do they really think their negative comments are helpful? Why can’twomen be silver foxes like men are?
— MyHair, My Choice
DearMyHair: Yes, women can be silver foxes— and silver hair is definitely chic.
When it comes to unsolicited comments about your looks, you have a legitimate beef. However, understand that when you join an online group whose sole focus is to commiserate about hair color, you’re going to spend a certain amount of time discussing howpeople look.
You yourself have chosen to declare that “98% of women look better in their real hair color,” which is a subjective and superficial value judgment. Aren’t you nowharshly judging people who choose to dye their hair?
I’m going to take a stab at guessing that many of these negative comments are coming fromother women. In a perfectworld, wewould all be free to make choices about our bodies and clothing without running the gauntlet of unsolicited comments, but we make these choices to please ourselves (and often, others). And people in general are social, communal budinskis.
You need only to decide howto respond. To a stranger: “Umm, do I know you? Why are you sharing your opinion with me?” To a friend/family member: “I think I look great, and honestly, that’s all that matters to me.”
DearAmy: My husband and I believe thatwe have lost a friend of 30-plus years because of differing opinions about safety in this pandemic.
We had been invited to a surprise birthday party for “Barb” at a restaurant, and before sendingmy RSVP, I checked with the venue to see howmany people might be there, and whether itwould be inside or outside. Answer: “50 people, inside.”
We are both over 73, and I have multiple health issues. We have not eaten inside a restaurant since mid-March.
I asked Barb’s sister, whowas organizing the surprise party, and if there is any chance that they might switch to an outdoor venue. Barb has health issues, and Iwondered if a crowded indoor party would be her preference.
Aweek after the party, I heard fromanother friend that Barbwas not speaking to me anymore. Barb texted me: “Goodbye.”
I’m not sure what comes next. Any ideas?
— Befuddled
Dear Befuddled: I sincerely hope that “Barb” didn’t send her cryptic text because she became ill with this disease that has taken so many lives.
As of this writing, a “spreader event”— awedding inMaine— has infected 147 people with COVID-19. Three people have died. Thiswedding was held indoors, with 65 guests.
You made the right choice. You should respond to Barb: “Your message is very cryptic. Why are you saying ‘Goodbye?’ ”
DearAmy: “Blindsided” wrote about her relationship with a gentleman who always made her travel to visit him, even though he was retired, and shewas stillworking. I hope she runs, Amy. Thank you for telling her that she deserves better.
— Been There
Dear Been There: When she really believes in her ownworth, “Blindsided” will exit.