Eating disorder resurfaces, years later

DearAmy: When Iwas in my early teens, I had bulimia. Iwas 5 feet, 5 inches tall andweighed 79 pounds. I vomited every time I ate.

I amnowinmy mid-40s. Lately, I can barely keep any food down. I amdisgusted to eat food in front of anyone else. I abhor the sound of people eating. If I do eat something, I feel ashamed and cannot controlmyself from vomiting it up. I am not underweight now, I’m actually overweight. I eat one meal a day and try to keep it down.

I’m not sure if there is any help for people like me. Usually people with these problems are underweight and become hospitalized.

Whowould consider that I have an eating disorder? A friend I confided in asked if I had food allergies. No, I don’t think so. I just hate food.

— Starving and Fat overweight has a serious eating disorder.

You should see a physician immediately. A medical problem could be the underlying reason for your symptoms. A medical condition or allergy could have also triggered your eating disorder, so you might be dealing with a complex combination of causes and symptoms.

The important thing is for you— as an adult— to use your insight and instincts to bravely confront something that is hard to face. This is the essence of self-care, and the journey should start in your doctor’s office. Be completely honest about your history and your current symptoms, and be open to treatment, including talk therapy.

TheNational Eating DisordersHelpline offers a variety ofways (phone, text and “chat”) for you to connect— immediately— with a volunteer counselor. Check nationaleating disorders.org for more information. disclose it, but howdo I deal withmy guilt?

— Guilty Party

DearGuilty: I think a little justified guilt can actually be a good thing. Guilt reminds you of your humanity. It reminds you of the harm even “good people” are capable of. Guilt humbles you and can endear you to the vulnerability you see in others.

However, you have to decide howlong your jail sentence should be for things you did two decades ago. You should review your behavior, try to decode the reasons behind it (insecurity, loneliness, fear, arrogance— and/or simple blind stupidity), acknowledge your own faults and failings, and make a choice either to forgive yourself— or extend your sentence.

DearAmy: Thank you for your thoughtful response to “Hanging On,” a young woman who had been raped, but had not re

Dear Starving: Relapses ported it. of eating disorders are I shovedmy assaults unfortunately common. down inside me until Iwas This is one reasonwhy DearAmy: I ama happily 37 and could no longer take eating disorders are so married man with a child the pain. I startedworking challenging to treat. Stress, in college. My wife and I with awonderfulwoman anxiety, work furlough and have been married for 22 who guided me through isolation related to the years (my second marriage, healing. Itwas hard, but oh pandemic might have been her first). We have a healsowonderful not to have triggers for you. thy relationship that has the rage and anger boiling

Youmay remember this gotten progressively better inside me. idea fromyour previous over the years. We both I am68 now, and I am recover therapy: froman People free.— trying addiction to forward will retire to soon that. and look can succeed by avoiding Way back, 15-20 years their trigger. Butwe all ago, I had a few “encounhave to eat to live. You are ters” that did not involve forced to confront the sex, but did involve kissing, source of your distress etc. every day. I amvery embarrassed

Any competent physiand disappointed inmycian, disorder specialist or self, and experience guilt nutritionistwould very about this. My wife does easily understand that not knowabout any of this, someone who is currently nor do I see any reason to

Grateful

Dear Grateful: I hope that “Hanging On” gets the quality of counseling that you received.