ASK AMY Trainer got too personal at the gym
DearAmy: I ama personal trainer inmy early 20s. I have been hooking up with awoman (almost 40) for the past few months, two or three times aweek. Her husband found out about us. Yesterday, he called the gym where Iwork and also calledmy mother and told her Iwas sleeping with his wife. Mymomis furious. Then he came afterme at the gym.
I told him to calm down, but he took a swing at me, andwe fought. I knocked him out cold. Hewas out cold for about five minutes on the floor.
The manager at the gym fired me for fighting. I think itwaswrong of the manager to do that, as I was only defendingmyself.
NowI’mwondering howto getmy job back. I talked tomy lady friend, and she told me her husband is home in bed with a couple of broken ribs and a headache. He couldn’t go towork today.
Howcan I getmy job back?
— Well Trained
Dear Trained: “Mymom is furious” is a sign that you aren’t grown up enough to shoulder the burden of being a true badass. I hope you wise up.
I think you are very lucky that youweren’t arrested for assault. Your managerwas justified in firing you. Your behavior put this business (and other patrons) at great risk.
Iwould notwant to attend a gym where a trainer regularly hooked up with a married patron, and then beat that person’s husband to unconsciousness— right there in the gym. You obviously take no responsibility for your own actions and howthey contributed to the outcome.
DearAmy: I always assumed thatmy hairstylist of many years and I didn’t see eye-to-eye on most political issues, butwe kept our talk to personal lives andmovies and TV shows.
She’s a genuinely nice person and I’m certain she’s kind to everyone.
Then on social media, she attacked a politician I truly admire.
I just can’t go back to her as if nothing happened. I just can’t go back at all.
Should I ghost her, or should I tell her that I’m switching stylists, and why? I don’t reallywant to make her feel bad because she’s not a bad person. We just disagree.
— Going Gray
Dear Going Gray: You seem to like this hairstylist very much. You acknowledge that she is a good person and is kind to everyone. I assume that she is good at her job.
You say that she “attacked” this politician on social media, but you don’t mention any other details regarding this attack. Did she use foul language? Was this attack personal, untrue or deliberately offensive? Did you respond to her post, expressing your own views and urging her to reconsider hers?
What you seem to be saying is that you cannot patronize the business of someone who openly opposes the politician that you like.
You have the right to patronize any business you want. You don’t need to explain your departure, unless she contacts you for a follow-up appointment and asks why you aren’t continuing your business with her.
If you do decide to explain yourself, you could say, “I am so sensitive that I simply cannot tolerate the fact that you don’t like my favorite politician, and that you’ve expressed your view, publicly. My scalp and follicles simplywon’t stand for it, so I’ve decided to takemy business elsewhere.”
DearAmy: After ending a long and unhappymarriage, I met the love ofmy life. We spent the first four years enjoying the freedom of two empty-nesters with comfortable incomes and few obligations outside of work. However, we shared a sense of loss thatwe’re beyond the child-bearing years andwould never raise a child together. That’s when the idea to foster a teen occurred to us.
Amy, it has been an amazing experience! We get to share our home, wisdom and resources with our foster son while experiencing the joys and challenges of child-rearing together. He is transforming into awonderful young man before our eyes.
Please encourage others to consider this choice.
The rewards are immeasurable.
— Proud FosterMom
Dear Proud: Your letter makesmy day. I hope your generosity inspires readers to consider becoming foster parents.