COVID-19 concerns dominate relationships

Dear Amy: I recently had a conversation with a friend that I am still ruminating about.

She shared how she used a loophole to get a COVID19 vaccination that she really wasn’t entitled to receive. It was as if I should be impressed with how creative and smart she was to game the system.

She then went on to describe how she will now be comfortable eating in restaurants, etc.

I said I was happy for her and changed the subject so I could take time to process this. Our family is trying to stay patient and wait our turn. Thoughts?

— Waiting

Dear Waiting: There are stories of people standing in line outside vaccination centers to try to receive shots that would otherwise be thrown away if they weren’t used. I’m all for that kind of enterprise.

However, if your friend leapt through a loophole to snag an appointment before her turn, that’s completely unethical.

I have read accounts of how some people have used their connections, money and privilege to game the system.

Your friend is showing you who she is: She is someone who would jump the line (ahead of others who are classified as at greater risk) in order to eat out at a restaurant a few weeks earlier than if she had waited her turn. And she is bragging about it.

A note of caution: Although COVID-19 numbers are falling, as of this writing the CDC has stated that the reduction in infection numbers is likely due to vigilant mask wearing and social distancing during the lengthy vaccination rollout.

Your friend — and others who have been vaccinated — should continue to be cautious.

Dear Amy: I have strong feelings about who I will see during the pandemic.

I have very little contact with my friend “Marion.” Marion is 62 and a nurse practitioner (but in management, so she is working from home).

Thirty years ago, Marion had breast cancer, but otherwise she is healthy.

I am 60 with an autoimmune disease. I work from home.

Marion goes to the hair and nail salon. She meets her trainer at the gym and meets friends at outdoor tented restaurants. She shops in the grocery store.

I would love to do those things, but I use hair color out of a box and put my hair up in a bun. I order my groceries online.

I expressed that I think it’s wrong that people are going out to hair and nail salons. She thinks I am being overly cautious and that I don’t understand.

The numbers in my state are going up and we have the South African variant of the virus that causes COVID-10 here. Plus, I will probably not get the vaccine until the summer.

We both have strong feelings about this, so I am afraid it might end our friendship. Tell me if I am being too judgmental.

— Trying to Stay Healthy

Dear Trying: You have the right to your opinion, but your opinion about what is right for you doesn’t mean that it is right for others. Given your health risk, you are wise to be very cautious.

Does “Marion” urge you to join her while she is on her outings? Does she shame you for having gray roots? It doesn’t sound as if she does. She has done her own informal risk analysis on how to manage during the pandemic and is making choices based on her own judgment.

You are taking good care of the most important person in this equation: you. In addition to guarding your own health, if you stay healthy throughout the course of the pandemic, you are relieving the health care system (and all of those front-line workers we care so much about) of having to take care of you.

But yes, you are being too judgmental. The pandemic has stolen so much from all of us; don’t let it take your friendship, too.

Dear Amy: I was laughing out loud as I read your response to “Wondering,” who was contemplating letting a near-stranger move into his home — and share his bed: “Nope. No, no, no. On the other hand: Maybe the pandemic has prevented you from attending live theater ...” Thank you for that perfect and clever response to this man’s absolutely absurd proposed living situation.

—AFan

Dear Fan: Thank you! As my friends in comedy say, “I’ll be here all week.”