Raising a cup of coffee to health issues
I have been fairly lucky in my more than six decades on this Earth in terms of my health.
I’m not counting my complexion. Hey, I just turned 62 and I just know my face is going to clear up any day now. After all, I’ve only been waiting since I was 15. But the truth is I very rarely sick.
But when I fairly serious.
All of which is preview to what happened to me last week.
This started about 3 a.m. Friday when I rolled over in bed and something didn’t feel right.
I had a sharp pain in the left side of my lower back. No big deal, I thought. It will pass. It didn’t.
It started to get worse. A few minutes later it felt like someone had stuck a knife in my back. Then it seemed to move around to my stomach. My hands started tingling and felt numb. I was having trouble catching my breath.
I got out of bed thinking maybe I could walk it off. That didn’t work either. For a second I thought pass out. I hunched over with my hands on the baseboard of the bed trying to think what the hell was happening to me.
Then suddenly it started to ease. I took a deep breath, walked around a bit, and figured it had passed. I went back to bed. I got up later and figured it would be OK. I didn’t feel good, but I figured I could muddle by.
For most of the morning that seemed to be the case.
Then, just a bit after lunch, I felt another stabbing pain in the same spot on the left side of my lower back. I knew then this was kind of serious because people started to ask me if I was OK. Again I got up and tried to walk it off. It passed, for a while. Then it came back again. I decided to try to finish work from do, it tends to be get home.
If you know anything about me, you know that I am not big on doctors. I started to think twice about that stance on the ride home. I was in agony. Luckily, my wife intervened. She told me not to bother going home. She had an appointment for me at the doctor’s.
Of course I hit traffic on the way home. I actually gave some serious consideration to stopping along the side of the road to relieve myself. But then I didn’t figure the world needed to see a headline about a local editor exposing himself on the side of the highway. The pain in my back and stomach was intense.
Naturally, the first thing I did when I finally got into the doctor’s office was ask where the men’s room was.
And, of course, the first thing the nurse told me when I got into the examination room - after I relieved myself - was that they would need a urine sample.
Unfortunately, that does not come on command for me.
So I started drinking water. Lots of it.
The prognosis. They’re thinking kidney stones. They sent me for an X-ray and gave me a couple of prescriptions.
But here’s where my little medical saga takes still one more odd twist.
After those three bouts on Friday, the pain was gone.
I woke up Saturday morning and felt no trace of the maladies that had dogged me the day before.
That does not mean I was out of the woods. Far from it. The back and stomach pain had been replaced by something else.
Before she gave me two prescriptions and suggested I buy a “strainer” into which I should relieve myself (to capture any possible stones I might pass), the doctor also offered some do’s and don’ts. At the top of the list of don’ts was no coffee and no booze. She told me that at 5 o’clock Friday afternoon. Just swell.
By Saturday afternoon I was beginning to learn the full ramifications of her advice. The pain in my back was gone, replaced by something almost as bad.
I woke up with a headache that only got worse as the day went on. By Sunday it was blinding. Hey, at least the pain in my back was gone.
That’s when I connected what was going on. The doctor who saw me Friday suggested I drink copious amounts of water, but said I should avoid coffee and alcohol.
I can’t tell you the last day I have gone without coffee. I can tell you it did not go well. I don’t know if you can be addicted to caffeine, but I can tell you that withdrawal is not a lot of fun.
It got so bad that Sunday afternoon I called the doctor and begged for relief. She said I could have a cup. That and three Motrin and the headache started to lift.
The results of the X-rays came in Monday. Not great news. As soon as I heard the word “bilateral” I figured I was in trouble. There is evidence of kidney stones on both sides.
What they can’t tell me is if I possibly passed them or they simply moved and are waiting to return with a vengeance at some point.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed. I still don’t seem to have any pain in my lower back. The doctor said there is a chance the stone was small and I could have passed it already. It’s a good thing because every woman I have talked to who has had issues with kidney stones has been more than willing to tell me that passing one was worse than child birth. Swell. I have no desire to give birth. I also have no desire to give up coffee. I once jokingly considered doing so for Lent. I usually give up cursing.
I know now the two are interconnected. Take it from me – kidney stones, caffeine withdrawal? You don’t want to mess with either one.