Chris Freind: Why we’re dealing with school shootings

Third of Three Parts

As usual, the latest solutions to prevent future massacres ignore the reasons why they occur. Dick’s Sporting Goods just declared they will no longer sell “assault-type” weapons, and the headmaster of an elite private high school declared that the biggest threat to our children is the availability of assault rifles.

Sounds nice, but ignores the root cause. And you cannot solve a problem until you know what it is.

Following up on Part II (“It’s Our Fault: Why Mass Shootings Are A Recent Phenomenon”), here are cultural changes that have led to a spate of massacres, when none existed just two generations ago.

• Condoning Cheating:

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emmanuel held a Little League championship ring ceremony for the hometown boys, despite that team having been stripped of the championship for cheating. By doing so, Emmanuel told the world that cheaters should prosper.

• Broken households: The lack of two-parent households has made many children pawns of bickering parents. The lack of direction and little discipline “empower” children to do whatever they please, with no consequences.

• Disappearance of stayat-home parents: In many households, both parents work, a fundamental shift from prior generations. Indisputably, massacres were nonexistent in the age when a parent stayed home, largely because there was someone to guide children during the critical after-school hours. Now, only a fraction experience that priceless benefit.

• Dwindling fraternal organizations: The idea of service has largely disappeared. A multitude of social organizations, from the Knights of Columbus to scouting, once enjoyed huge membership rolls, where participants helped the community and learned life lessons. But most are sad ghosts of the past, casualties of a 24/7 youth sports culture and the Millennial generation that considers anything interfering with binge-watching and social media postings to be sacrilegious.

• Softness: A wimpiness has invaded our culture, destroying the can-do attitude once so prevalent. Now, we don’t just close schools because of an inch of snow, but because it’s too hot or cold. The problem becomes exacerbated when parents cannot remain at home during these times.

• Food Additives: More independent studies should be conducted on the effect of food additives, preservatives, and pesticides on our bodies. But intuitively, there seems to be a correlation between the massive amounts of processed and genetically modified foods and an increasing number of children who “aren’t all there.” It is shocking how many have a blank, almost soulless stare, devoid of empathy, and lacking basic social skills. It is worth an investigation.

• No common enemy: The fall of the Soviet Union was one of history’s greatest moments, yet it also had the effect of disuniting the country. During the Cold War, we had our differences, but always kept our eye on the ball. But after standing together against the gravest of threats, that unity and common purpose vanished overnight. When the wall fell, so did our bond, causing us to become incredibly divided.

Everyone gets a trophy. Individual achievements are whitewashed so as not to hurt feelings. Everyone and everything must be homogenized, a “spread the wealth” mentality whereby accolades are doled out not by merit, but by who hasn’t won yet. This attempt to eliminate failure has created massively unrealistic expectations, resulting in young adults unable to cope when they fall down in the real world.

• Social media: The cocoon of social media has stripped away personal skills and produced generations oblivious to traditional social mores. Now, instead of talking person-to-person, it’s easier to demonize those with whom we disagree via a computer screen, facts and reputations be damned.

A child’s self-worth is now measured by “Likes.” And that “validation,” despite its fakeness, is nonetheless how an entire generation views its success and failures – failures that are often rectified with lies to enhance one’s profile. And sometimes, the “remedy” is far worse, as suicide rates are at all-time highs.

• Re-Dos: We should be teaching preparation for the real world in our schools, yet have deliberately dumbed down the SAT and standardized tests, and increasingly allow re-dos – the ability to take tests until students are satisfied with their grades. Timeless lessons that life is a series of pass/fail tests, and that actions have consequences, have been obliterated

by such policies. • Declining Parental Involvement: Many parents won’t lift a finger to help with homework. “It’s the teacher’s job, and I pay the teacher’s salary,” we so often hear, leaving educators with no hope of maximizing students’ potential. When the teacher-parent partnership goes awry, students are doomed to mediocrity, or worse.

In prior generations, when a child got into trouble at school, they also got punished at home. But now, Little Johnny can do no wrong, as both he and his parents often blame everyone else, even teachers, for Johnny’s bad behavior. Whitewashing bad behavior is, in fact, condoning it. • No Self Awareness/Never

Accepting Responsibility: Following our lead, youth are emboldened to talk back to their elders and disrespect authority. In youth games, players get in referees’ faces about a “bad call.” And blaming refs has become a rite of passage for losing teams (including coaches and parents), rather than players accepting responsibility for not practicing hard enough (playing Xbox instead) and not listening to coaches. Someone must be blamed. It’s just never themselves.

• Technology/Video

games: The endemic phone addiction has been caused by parents. It is astounding how many young children, including babies, have an iPad shoved in their faces for virtually every waking moment. Instead of discovering the world around them and experiencing social interactions, they remain glued to their technology “security blanket.” The same goes for those on first dates and anyone “meeting” for coffee, as conversation is nonexistent, replaced by constant interaction with a machine.

And the interactive video game culture, where “kills” are badges of honor and human life is expendable, has contributed to the destruction of empathy. To the children who have grown up addicted to video games, characters are the “same” as real people. When someone dies, there is a re-do, so there’s never the need to be thoughtful or diligent. This is why people drive past car accidents without stopping; live-stream people in a fire but refuse to help; and why boys in Florida videoed a handicapped man drowning while mocking him.

To this generation, video games and real life are interchangeable, and deaths are shrugged off as routine.

This will become exponentially worse.

• Removing God in Schools and Dwindling Church Attendance: Religion has become a dirty word to social engineers, who think removing the Ten Commandments is laudable, and displaying them is offensive. How rules advocating loving thy neighbor and not stealing, killing and lying could be considered harmful is lunacy, but too few protest.

• Living in Fantasy Land: Children won’t act with common sense if we don’t employ it ourselves. For example, giving children “bulletproof” bookbags is insane. Not only would that be useless, but worse, it instills fear and fosters paranoia, neither of which are conducive to learning.

And suspending kindergarteners for playing with Hello Kitty bubble guns, and chewing Pop-Tarts into “gun shapes?” Really? That’s how to prevent massacres? Those policies, and the clueless leaders implementing them, should be replaced, but usually aren’t.

• Intolerance Accepted:

Some are calling Florida legislators and the NRA “child murderers.” That is the height of intolerance, yet we see nary a rebuke. Disagree with those entities if you wish, but only one has blood on his hands: The shooter. He, and only he, is responsible.

Myriad factors have led to these massacres, but none absolves the shooter from his 100 percent culpability. Doing so marginalizes victims, and makes civil debate and the search for common ground impossible.

Not that long ago, school doors were never locked. Fights in the schoolyard were quick, and the “combatants” were soon friends again. Children played wiffle ball by day and ghost-inthe-graveyard at night, and all survived. Scoreboards weren’t turned off, and losing teams worked harder, which served them well in school and, later, the workplace. Know what? There were no shootings, no stabbings and bullying was kept in check. Imagine that.

It’s time to stop coddling and stop feeling entitled. It’s time to grow a thick skin and not be offended by everything. And it’s time to ground helicopter parents.

If we don’t, children crashing and burning will become a tragic but normal part of American culture.