Breaking the culture of fear with ‘free-range’ parenting

Kevin Bacon, heart out. It took 34 years, but Utah finally came around. The same Big Brother that Ren McCormack rebelled against in the classic movie “Footloose” has now been officially decimated by the Beehive State’s government.

In a first-in-the-nation move, Utah’s controversial new law is being described as “free-range parenting” and a parent Bill of Rights. Now, parents will no longer be criminally liable for allowing their children to walk home from school by themselves; play outside unsupervised; be alone at home (“latchkey” kids); and be left unattended in a car while a parent runs a quick errand.

In the original “Footloose” (not the horrendous remake), a paternalistic government believed that it, not parents, knew best how to raise children. Its answer was to create a nanny state that banned books, rock music, dancing, and anything else deemed “inappropriate.”

Of course, Hollywood being Hollywood, there was a happy ending.

In real life, however, the situation has become alarmingly worse.

The fact that laws are actually needed to protect the right of parents to do what comes naturally – nurture eat your and raise children – demonstrates just how much we have changed. In today’s America, the generational divide continues to grow at a staggering pace. Things that are incomprehensible to middle-aged and older generations are unquestioned by Millennials and those behind them.

Society has gone so askew that when an action rooted in common sense prevails, such as a free-range parenting law, it is seen as an anomaly. And sadly, it is just that. Last year, a similar law proposed in Arkansas – where one would think the conservative-leaning South would easily embrace such a concept – was voted down in the legislature.

And what do such controversial laws do?

The purpose is threefold: Put parents back in the driver’s seat as best qualified to raise children; encourage self-sufficiency in kids (if that is what parents desire); and guard against egregious government interference in family life. In some states, parents have been arrested and hauled before judges, with Child Services threatening to remove children, all because nosy neighbors and faceless bureaucrats don’t agree with a particular parenting style.

Obviously, common sense must be applied, and the Utah law allows for that. So if a child is locked in a car in 120-degree heat, or a 4-year old is out wandering alone, parents can be held responsible.

But why do we even need such laws, since fostering independence and conquering fears should never be sins in America? How did it come to this? “Helicopter” parents have come of age. In doing so, they have hovered over children and instilled such a culture of fear in them that whole generations border on total dysfunction.

Parents and government alike have produced manic children conditioned to be afraid of everything: can’t walk to the bus stop alone because they’ll be kidnapped; can’t ride a bike because they’ll get hit by a car (despite a Kevlar helmet and 78 protective pads); can’t play sports because they might get injured (numerous schools have banned sports and activities, including kickball and tag); can’t play copsand-robbers because they might become a mass murderer; can’t settle their own disputes on the playground, so adults must become involved.

Everything has become so precisely planned (and seriously, what the hell is a “play date?”) by obsessive parents that the natural creativity and curiosity that comes with being a kid have been erased. They have been replaced with a structure so unnatural that social skills are nearly nonexistent. All completely unnecessary. As the evidence proves, today’s fears are virtually unfounded.

Just a generation ago, kids walked home from school, even at lunchtime. School doors were never locked. Fights in the schoolyard were quick, and the “combatants” were friends again in 15 minutes. Children played ghost-in-thegraveyard at nighttime until they were called inside. All survived, and no one was kidnapped. Scoreboards weren’t turned off in a rout, and losing teams always worked harder to get better, which served them well in school and, later, in life. Not coincidentally, there were virtually no mass shootings or child suicides, and no one lived in fear.

To better understand the situation, here is a look at the overarching points in this debate:

1) Tolerance and respect for other people’s philosophies are in short supply. Of course we’re not going to agree on everything, including parenting styles. But so long as children are not put in harm’s way, no entity should have the right to rip families apart simply because it thinks it “knows better.” It is outrageous that government terrifies children by threatening to remove them from their parents, places massive financial burdens on families from legal fees, and forever labels parents as “neglectful,” all on the basis of unfounded claims of child endangerment.

2) Children used to play outside and walk home “unsupervised” all the time. And yet the sky didn’t fall. In fact, the children of those generations were far better off than today’s youth because they learned to deal with, and eventually overcome, obstacles and fears. Child abductions are no more prevalent now than before, but after listening to the hoverers, one would think a predator was lurking near every playground. That’s not to say vigilance shouldn’t be employed, but society’s attempts to eliminate all risks, via paranoia, have massively backfired. And every time we succumb to fear, it becomes further embedded as “normal.”

And yet, statistics show that such fears are groundless:

• Only about one child out of each 10,000 missing children reported to the local police is not found alive.

• Only about 100 missing child reports each year fit the stereotypical profile of abduction-by-stranger (out of 330 million people). Child kidnappings are far more likely to be committed by family members.

• Ironically, the biggest threat to children isn’t at the bus stop. It’s inside the home – on the computer.

• America’s 77 million students attend 140,000 schools. The likelihood of a school shooting at your child’s school, and your child being victimized, is virtually nil. Obviously, we all know shootings are possible and, on extremely rare occasions, occur. But worrying, and worse, expecting that it will happen to you is like fretting about how to spend your lottery winnings after buying a ticket.

• The odds of your plane being highjacked is 160,000,000 to 1 – and counting – yet some won’t fly out of fear.

• We are living in the safest time in human history (by far) in every category (lowest rates of war, famine, violence, disease, etc.), and the crime rate in America is at historic lows.

So why are helicopter parents so scared? And why, given that many are highly educated, do they refuse to look at the facts and statistics, choosing instead to double down on fear? Maybe if they shed their technology addiction and walked outside, they would realize that, statistically, nothing bad is going to happen to them, or their children.

The real world doesn’t change. It has been, and always will be, filled with risk. Managing those things without being a prisoner of fear is the only way for people, most especially our children, to grow and prosper.

Grounding helicopter parents would allow our future to once again fly high by doing what they do best.

Being children.