The new rules of the road for Facebook ‘friends’

Facebook. It’s rapidly becoming a social relic, a dinosaur of epic proportions.

OK, so you have “friends” Facebook, now what?

How did you acquire these “friends,” who have magically multiplied over the years? They post cute kitten videos, rad tat photos, delicious high-fat recipes, graphic pictures of bloody massacres, and weird political ideologies.

Really, what do you have in common with them? Some are nice, some are OK, a few are just plain on eew!

How many of your Facebook friends have you actually met?

It’s cool to have 500 Facebook friends, and being the nice person that you are, you don’t want to offend anyone. At what point do you decide to “unfriend” them? What constitutes such an egregious offense that you unfriend somebody that maybe you really weren’t crazy about friending in the first place? We have no societal protocols regarding this, and now, I am offering for the first time, the definitive guide as to when your Facebook relationship should go face-up. You know you want to do it to that annoying somebody. You just

don’t know how, nice person.

So here are the New Rules to Unfriending on Facebook, at absolutely no cost to you.

You may need to unfriend a Facebook friend when:

1. They are trying to sell you cures for baldness; a fat belly; erectile dysfunction; a non-surgical face lift; a fool- proof get rich plan; work from home; or a better cable deal.

2. They send you endless photos of their nieces, nephews, neighbor’s cats, deceased relatives, vacation photos of places you’d pull your own teeth out before you’d visit.

3. They moan about their agonizing commutes to work, usually involving the Philadelphia transportation system; they un-friend one of your real friends.

because you

are a

4. They need to post, smugly, about how many miles before dawn, they walked/ran/rode on bikes and the indignities they suffered while doing it. Just me here, but if I am up before dawn, it’s either because the cat is licking my face, or I am taking a call from the State Department, informing me that someone, with whom I am a close non-Facebook friend, is involved in possible criminal activities. Or something like that. So, you see where this is going, but to continue:

5. The idiotic support they lavish on their idiot candidate, who does nothing but support the idiotic, party-line idiocy. And they expect you to buy into it.

6. They post cute animal stories guaranteed to make you cry. Sorry, I am not going to ruin my fresh makeup by crying over puppy stories