Mandatory pants-wearing is violating my rights!
I have had it with my constitutional rights being violated. Enough is enough. I can’t take it anymore. As a result, from this day forward, I refuse to let the government dictate what I can and cannot do. The result?
From this day forth, I refuse to wear a cloth covering over my ... genitals.
That’s right. I’m not going to let any government tell me what I can and can’t do with my own personal body! Besides, we all know this is a big Soros/Gates plot to keep us all covered up and embarrassed of our God-given bits and pieces! I refuse to be a sheeple! Cloth coverings over genitals don’t work! Plus, it’s uncomfortable. It’s hard to get any air circulating down there. I’m an American, dammit, and no one can tell me what to do. Besides, there’s plenty of studies that prove wearing a cloth covering over our genitals is kindasorta harmful to our health.
Be free, America! Rip off your cloth coverings over your genitals! Ahem.
Of course, the above is ridiculous, juvenile, silly, and stupid.
It’s also a wonderful counterpoint to the diminishing number of people who still insist on either A) not wearing a mask or B) complaining very loudly about it. Bottom line? Your constitutional rights are not being violated when the government tells you to mask up. Courts have decided this numerous times, dating back to a 1905 United States Supreme Court decision (Jacobson v. Massachusetts) in which the court ruled this dude Jacobson - who would’ve been a hoot on
Facebook - had to get a smallpox vaccination. You know, because of public health and whatnot.
Today? No one wants to stick a needle in your arm (yet). All the government - and the vast majority of Americans - are asking for is that if you can’t socially distance, you wear a mask. Pretty simple. Pretty straightforward. Pretty easy.
Of course, the fact I’m still writing about this demonstrates not everyone is doing the whole mask thing. (Also, wearing a mask and not covering your nose doesn’t work. It would be like covering my ass but leaving my front uncovered, splashing my frank and beans all over the joint.)
Do masks help combat the spread of coronavirus? Almost certainly. Study after study after study demonstrates that. Are there studies that go against the prevailing wisdom? There are. A lot fewer, for sure, but they exist.
So let’s be fair, let’s give the benefit of the doubt, let’s say we’re not sure if masks work. Let’s say we’re not sure if they are effective.
Well - call me crazy - but doesn’t it make a bit more sense to err on the side of caution during a global pandemic that has already killed nearly 600,000 humans? What’s worse: Wearing a mask while shopping in Walmart even though it might not do anything, or accidentally killing someone in Walmart because you’re an asymptomatic carrier and as it turns out - ta-da! - masks work?
At this point in the pandemic, if you insist on not wearing a mask to prove a point, you’re no better than if I walked into Target without pants. You’re foolish, selfish, and silly.
And if you’re the type to continue to rail against masks in an effort to draw support to your constitutional cause - slippery slope! What will the government do next?! - you’re not only foolish, selfish, and silly, you’re maybe even a little … well, “evil” is strong, but it’s ticking over into that neighborhood.
To be clear, I loathe wearing a mask. It’s uncomfortable, and not being able to read another human’s facial expressions is not cool. But uh … so what. It’s a small price to pay for the possibility of controlling this disease, which would in turn allow us to retain some sort of normalcy until such time there’s a vaccine or effective and widely available treatment.
I mean, even President Trump - who some people tell me, very good people, is a foolish, selfish, silly, and ticking toward evil man - threw one on the other day. See? Everybody’s doing it!
So mask up, folks. It’s for the greater good. Same with me wearing pants, even though I can’t accidentally kill you by shopping nekkid.