It’s time to ditch Columbus Day
My biggest issue with Christopher Columbus is that we’re celebrating a mistake. Saying he “discovered” the Americas is really stretching the definition of “discovered,” as A) there were already people here, B) other foreign voyages from other foreign lands were almost certainly here first, and C) he didn’t set out to “discover” anything other than a shorter route to Asia from Europe when he stumbled upon what’s now the Bahamas.
Also, fun fact: He saw manatees on his adventures and he mistook them for mermaids. That’s not a joke. He wrote in his diary that “they are not half as beautiful as they are painted.” Again: We have been celebrating an accident by a dude who thought manatees were mermaids.
And, also, not to beat a dead horse, specifically a dead horse that was undoubtedly used by the people native to this land, but Columbus kinda-sorta ushered in a whole lotta genocide, slavery, and other nothistorically-great stuff. Yes, sure, I might be using wampum instead of Venmo without Columbus, but I’m not entirely sure that would have been a bad thing. (OK,
I’ll stop here for a moment: Obviously, eventually, someone else would have “discovered” America and done these same things. Europeans had guns. China had guns. Native Americans … didn’t have guns. Hence, the saying - which should certainly be credited to a wise Native American - “you don’t bring a knife to a gunfight.” Point being, the Native Americans were pretty much screwed anyway you slice it. Smallpox didn’t help. Nothing helped. It was an unfair fight from the jump. Anyway …)
Anyway, celebrating the one guy who literally stumbled upon a landmass - remember, he never even stepped foot on what is now American soil - that he wasn’t even looking for is pretty thin when it comes to holidays.
So while I don’t think we should be relegating Columbus to the scrap heap - I mean, he certainly changed the course of human history - I do question whether the “celebration” of his works bears celebrating.
Now granted, it’s not like we’re out here having Columbus Day parties and spending our days in devout, albeit secular, prayer, but still: We’d probably be better off remembering those who were enslaved and murdered by Columbus instead of remembering Columbus himself.
Is this me being a hippie-dippy progressive who signs his letters “he/ him?” No, not at all. It’s just me doing the basic math on this one. One dude accidentally discovered a landmass that was already discovered and occupied, and as a result, everyone who was already here - and their way of life - was systematically destroyed over the next few hundred years.
Yay?
As a result of this line of thinking, there was a bill floating around the New Jersey legislature introduced by Sen.
Brian Stack - h/t to Matt Friedman at Politico who wrote about it - that would replace Columbus Day on the New Jersey calendar with “Indiginous Peoples Day.”
A few towns in New Jersey - including Princeton - have already gone this route. Last year, I said we should have both holidays.
This year, I’m changing my tune. It’s probably time to make this switch. I’m having an impossible
time trying to come up with a reason to keep celebrating Columbus.
But Stack is, apparently.
The bill has been pulled.
Oh well. Happy Columbus Day!
Last thing: Concerning the Italian heritage aspect of all this, I’m sure we can find a way around it. I say this with the knowledge Columbus was also probably Jewish, so let’s just split a pizza bagel and call it a day. Also, he might’ve been Spanish or Portuguese, not Italian. Again, pretty thin overall. At any rate, banks and schools should certainly be open. Come on.