Honestly, there’s a just a lot going on right now
I’m going to keep this
“Week’s Worth” format up through the election, at which point I plan on going back to writing about football and sex and bourbon fulltime. But in the meantime …
THE TRUMP CHRONICLES: Good gracious already. Someone take away this guy’s Twitter.
OK. So he retweeted an article from The Babylon Bee titled, “Twitter Shuts Down Entire Network to Slow Spread of Negative Biden News.” Within the retweet, the president - again, this guy can launch nuclear weapons - wrote, “Wow, this has never been done in history. This includes his really bad interview last night. Why is Twitter doing this. Bringing more attention to Sleepy Joe & Big T.”
Um, only problem? The Babylon Bee is a satiric news site. Some other stories from their site when I checked include, “Amid Poor Ratings, NBA Threatens to Pack the Court” and “Middle Earth Announces Heavy Tariffs on Narnian Imports.”
BIDEN SCANDAL ALERT: Joe Biden, Hunter Biden, Ukraine, conspiracy, Steve Bannon, Rudy Giuliani, crack, porn, emails. I think I got it. Seems legit. It seems like the worst this could be is Biden met with this Vadym Pozharskyi fellow. But there are enough holes in this tale to drive a Lada through (look it up). Nina Jankowicz, a fellow at the nonpartisan Wilson Center in Washington, told the AP that the whole story should be looked at as a “Trump campaign product.”
THE TRUMP CHRONICLES II: At his NBC Town Hall the other night, the president was asked about QAnon. For those who don’t know, QAnon is a loosely organized group that believes the Democrats operate a
Satanic deep state pedophilia pedophilia, and I agree with operation and Trump has been that.” put in place to destroy it. When Well that’s good. We’re all asked to condemn this at-best on board with being “strongly” wackiness, at-worst danger, he against pedophilia. Maybe said “I just don’t know about there’s hope for this country QAnon.” When pressed further,yet. he said, “What I do hear about CHRIS CHRISTIE, VOICE OF it is they are strongly against REASON: Chris Christie - who’s
been doing duty as Trump’s punching bag over the last few years - ended up in intensive care for a week after contracting coronavirus, quite possibly-bordering-on-certainly from Trump himself. Anyway, he’s better, out of the hospital, and has this to say to the New
York Times: “I was wrong not to wear a mask at the Amy Coney Barrett announcement and I was wrong not to wear a mask at my multiple debate prep sessions with the president and the rest of the team. I hope that my experience shows my fellow citizens that you should follow CDC guidelines in public no matter where you are and wear a mask to protect yourself and others.”
Well isn’t that refreshing. Maybe there’s hope for science over idiocy yet.
THE TRUMP CHRONICLES III: Oh, we’re not done yet, as he still has access to Twitter, and retweeted a QAnon - those are the anti-pedophila folks, remember (they’re also anti-cannibal) - supporter’s tweet that - hold onto your hats - Seal Team 6 didn’t kill Osama bin Laden, but in fact killed his body double, and Joe Biden then had the members of Seal Team 6 assassinated to cover up the story. There’s more, but it’s about as logical as you’d expect, and … and the President of the United States of America retweeted this theory not once, but twice. What the holy (bleep) is wrong with this guy?
YOU WANT MY ELECTION PREDICTION?: Sure, why not. Biden in a landslide, and it’s called on election night, no less. The numbers are going to be that bad. I’ll say 350-188. And then buckle up, because it’s going to be a long two-plus months.
OH, AND DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE CORONAVIRUS: Mask up, folks. Listen to Chris Christie. What a world. Who woulda thunk “listen to Chris Christie” would be coming out of my mouth right now? I need a nap.