I now live in a two dog household, much to my not-quite delight
Hi, my name is Jeff and I have two dogs now.
Well, check that: My wife and children have two dogs now; I have one dog and a strange animal living in my house.
To be clear: I did not want a second dog. We had one dog. A fine dog. A calm dog. A docile dog. His name is Rico, he’s a terrier rescue from Puerto Rico, we’ve had him for a few years, and he’s a good boy yes he is.
My wife got it her mind she wanted a second dog. I said “do whatever you want,” which is husband code for “Are you out of your (bleeping) mind?” but such is life.
Knowing full well how to speak husband code, my wife tried to Jedi mind trick me. Listen to what she did: She tells me I should get her a dog for Valentine’s Day. You believe that? She knew I didn’t want another dog, she knew I wasn’t going to stop her from getting another dog even if I thought it was a bad idea, but she knew if she did get a dog and it was a disaster I’d be like, “See? Told you we shouldn’t have gotten another dog.”
So she tells me to get her a dog for Valentine’s Day. That way, not only am I a hero for getting the love of my life a Valentine’s Day puppy, if things go south I would be, at minimum, equally culpable for the resulting disaster.
So. One guess as to what I did. {Insert “Jeopardy” theme music …}
Are you out of your (bleeping) mind? I said, “Hell no I’m not getting you a puppy for Valentine’s Day,” and then I mansplained back to her exactly what she tried to do to me.
Bullet dodged, until my buddy from high school posted on his Facebook account that he - well, his wife and two kids - were fostering a (wait for it) terrier from Puerto Rico. My wife saw it, and just like that we welcomed Milo into the family.
Milo is a bad dog. Sorry not sorry, but it’s true. Maybe he’s anxietal, maybe he was abused, maybe he’s got a screw loose, but the little guy is a stone killer. People he doesn’t know come in the house, he’ll bark at them and, if they’re human enough to try and get close to him for the ol’ back-ofthe-hand sniff, he’ll not-so-gently let you know that “sniffing” isn’t front and center on his mind.
We came thisclose to giving him back after he woofed it up at our youngest child. It’s one thing to be a jerk to so-called strangers, a whole ‘nuther bowl of kibble to do it to my kid.
But he abated the nonsense with my kid, and we kept him.
Now, some six weeks or so after we adopted him, I’d say we’re all safe from his worst instincts. But when my mom and dad came to visit the other day? Milo - all 17 pounds of him - set his lasers to “maim.” Not good.
So we’re clearly not out of the woods yet. We’ve already enlisted
Knowing full well how to speak husband code, my wife tried to Jedi mind trick me. Listen to what she did: She tells me I should get her a dog for Valentine’s Day. You believe that? She knew I didn’t want another dog, she knew I wasn’t going to stop her from getting another dog even if I thought it was a bad idea, but she knew if she did get a dog and it was a disaster I’d be like, “See? Told you we shouldn’t have gotten another dog.”
the help of a trainer, we might put the dog on Prozac (I wish I was kidding). In the meantime, though, my other dog has a new best friend and they frolic together all the doo dah day.
And when I’m all alone in the house … and I know no one will accidentally walk in on me … I’ll go pet and play with the little guy. Cuter that you can even imagine, this little fella. Just a real cutie.
Two dogs. Egad. I have a bad feeling that if this works out, there will eventually be a third dog and my wife will turn into one of those crazy dog ladies and I’ll spend the golden years of my life shooing Yorkies out of my Barcalounger. Send help.