You accidentally see a sexy text on your partner’s phone. Should you confront him or her right away, or wait to gather more information?
We asked two experts:
owner of the infidelity blog Chump Lady and author of “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life — The Chump Lady’s Survival Guide”:
The natural impulse is to confront your partner. If you’re actually dealing with a cheater, you won’t get an honest answer.
However, if you jump right into spy mode, hacking into his or her social media to find more malfeasance, you’re going to feel like a jerk.
How you proceed comes down to your partner’s response when you confront.
From Tracy Schorn,
Minimizing: “It was just a joke between friends.”
Defensiveness: “What are you? The friend police?”
Blame shifting: “You don’t want me to have friends.”
Gaslighting: “What text? I didn’t get a text.”
Review the evidence, and weigh how plausible the explanations are. Do you call any of your friends “sexy beast?” If you get sketchy answers, consider snooping. It comes down to what your deal-breakers are.
When you’re considering wiretapping your partner, admit that the trust is gone. If your partner cannot respond with honesty and transparency, you don’t need any more evidence.
deception and credibility expert and blogger at Eyes for Lies:
From Renee Ellory,