Alter perceptions.
It’s widely believed that older age is darkened by persistent loneliness. But a considerable body of research confirms this isn’t the case.
In fact, loneliness is the exception rather than the rule in later life. And when it occurs, it can be alleviated: It’s a mutable psychological state.
Only 30 percent of older adults feel lonely fairly frequently, according to data from the National Social Life, Health and Aging Project, the most definitive study of seniors’ social circumstances and their health in the U.S.
The remaining 70 percent have enough fulfilling interactions with other people to meet their fundamental social and emotional needs
“If anything, the intensity of loneliness decreases from young adulthood through middle age and doesn’t become intense again until the oldest old age,” said Louise Hawkley, an internationally recognized authority on the topic and senior research scientist at the National Opinion Research Center (NORC) at the University of Chicago.
Understanding the extent of loneliness is important, insofar as this condition has been linked to elevated stress, impaired immune system function, inflammation, high blood pressure, depression, cognitive dysfunction and an earlier-than-expected death in older adults.
A new study, co-authored by Hawkley, highlights another underappreciated feature of this affliction: Loneliness is often transient, not permanent.
That study examined more than 2,200 Americans ages 57 to 85 in 2005 and again in 2010. Of the group who reported being lonely in 2005 ( just under one-third of the sample), 40 percent had recovered from that state five years later while 60 percent were still lonely.
What helped older adults who had been lonely recover? Two factors: spending time with other people and eliminating discord and disturbances in family relationships.
Hawkley explains the result by noting that loneliness is a signal that an essential need — a desire for belonging — isn’t being met. Like hunger or thirst, it motivates people to act, and it’s likely that seniors reached out to the people they were closest to more often.
Her study also looked at protective factors that kept seniors from becoming lonely. What made a difference? Lots of support from family members and fewer physical problems that interfere with an individual’s independence and ability to get out and about.
To alleviate loneliness, one must first recognize the perceptions underlying the emotion, Hawkley and other experts said.
The fundamental perception is one of inadequacy. People who are lonely tend to feel that others aren’t meeting their expectations and that something essential is missing. And there’s usually a significant gap between the relationships these people want and those they actually have.
This isn’t the same as social isolation — a lack of contact with other people — although the two can be linked. People can be “lonely in a marriage” that’s characterized by conflict or “lonely in a crowd” when they’re surrounded by other people with whom they can’t connect.
Interventions to address loneliness have received heightened attention since 2011, when the Campaign to End Loneliness launched in Britain.
Here are two essential ways to mitigate this distressing sentiment:
Loneliness perpetuates itself through a gloomy feedback cycle. We think people don’t like us, so we convey negativity in their presence, which causes them to withdraw from us, which reinforces our perception that we’re not valued.
Changing the perceptions that underlie this cycle is the most effective way to relieve loneliness, according to a comprehensive evaluation of loneliness interventions published in 2011.
Heidi Grant, associate director of the Motivation Science Center at Columbia University, described this dynamic in an article published in 2010. “If co-worker Bob seems more quiet and distant than usual lately, a lonely person is likely to assume that he’s done something to offend Bob, or that Bob is intentionally giving him the cold shoulder,” she wrote.
With help, people can learn to examine the assumptions underlying their thoughts and ask questions such as “Am I sure Bob doesn’t like me? Could there be other, more likely reasons for his quiet, reserved behavior at work?”
This kind of “cognitive restructuring” is an essential component of LISTEN, a promising intervention to treat loneliness developed by Laurie Theeke, an associate professor in the school of nursing at West Virginia University. In five two-hour sessions, small groups of lonely people probe their expectations of relationships, their needs, their thought patterns and their behaviors while telling their stories and listening to others.
Joining a group can be effective if there’s an educational component and people are actively engaged, experts said.
Invest in relationships.
With loneliness, it’s not the quantity of relationships that counts most. It’s the quality.
If you’re married, your relationship with your spouse is critically important in sustaining a feeling of belonging and preventing loneliness, Hawkley said.
If you haven’t been getting along, it’s time to try to turn things around. Remember when you felt most connected to your spouse? How did that feel? Can you emphasize the positive and minimize the negative? If you’re badly stuck, seek professional help.
Investing in relationships with family members and friends is similarly important. This is the time to move beyond old grievances.
“If you want to recover from loneliness, try to deal with difficulties that are disrupting relationships,” Hawkley said.
Also, it’s a good idea to diversify your relationships so you’re not depending exclusively on a few people, said Jenny de Jong Gierveld and Tineke Fokkema, loneliness researchers from the Netherlands.
Training in social skills can help lonely people deal with problems such as not knowing how to renew contact with an old friend or initiate conversation with a distant relative. And learning coping strategies can enlarge their arsenal of adaptive responses.
Both of these strategies are part of a six-week “friendship enrichment program” developed in the Netherlands. The goal is to help people become aware of their social needs, reflect on their expectations, analyze and improve the quality of existing relationships and develop new friendships.
One simple strategy can make a difference. “If you have good news, share it,” Hawkley said, “because that tends to bring people closer together.”
When Ruba Zai LONDON — uploaded her first video online, the Netherlandsbased Afghan student just wanted to share with other Muslim girls and women how she styled her headscarf. She had no idea that her “hijab tutorials” would be an internet hit, watched by hundreds of thousands worldwide.
The 23-year-old now blogs full time, sharing ideas for how to look trendy yet covered-up with a million Instagram followers. Zai had tapped into a fast-growing market for so-called “modest fashion,” fuelled by young, style-savvy Muslim women from London to Malaysia who have long felt their needs ignored by mainstream designers.
“I just couldn’t relate at all to the clothes you see in the mainstream brands,” she said from her home in Rotterdam. “When we first started talking about our style on social media, there was no interest in the fashion world in this group of people: ‘They’re just Muslims, why should we target them?’ ”
Big brands have been waking up to that call, and covered-up chic is a niche that’s slowly making its way into mainstream fashion. From exclusive designers to fastfashion chains, retailers are trying to court millions of Muslim consumers — especially around the month of Ramadan, which started in late May, when many Muslims buy new clothes and dress up. In 2014, U.S. fashion house DKNY was one of the first Western brands to launch a Ramadan collection aimed at wealthy Arab shoppers.
Since then several others have followed suit. Dolce&Gabbana has been selling a luxury collection of abayas — long, loose robelike dresses — and matching headscarves since 2016 in the Middle East, Paris and London. At the more affordable end of the market, Spanish chain Mango is also promoting a Ramadan collection of tunics, kaftans and maxi dresses for the second year.
Earlier this year Nike
Kids made MILWAUKEE — fidget spinners wildly popular.
Now, adults are keeping them that way.
The spinners, hand-sized toys balanced with ceramic ball bearings weighted in the center and three rings on the outside, stay in motion between one’s fingertips with little effort. The toys sell for $7 to $20.
Fidget spinners were invented in the 1990s in one of two ways, depending on which story one reads. Both stories credit Catherine Hettinger of Florida as the inventor.
One claims Hettinger heard about boys throwing rocks at police officers and wanted to give them something to do. The New York Times interviewed Hettinger and said she created the toy after her myasthenia gravis, an autoimmune disorder that causes muscle weakness, made her unable to play with her elementary school daughter.
Either way, what are they doing in the gift shop at Lakefront Brewery?
“I ordered samples from China, and everybody around here was compulsively playing with them,” said Chris Ranson, director of tours and environmental became the first major brand to launch a “pro hijab,” a headscarf made in hightech fabrics aimed at female Muslim athletes. Even Marks and Spencer, that stalwart British department store known for cardigans and practical shoes, launched a burkini — a full-body swimsuit — last summer.
But perhaps the most visible sign yet that mainstream fashion is embracing the Muslim market was when design houses Max Mara and Alberta Ferretti starred hijab-wearing Somali-American model Halima Aden on their catwalks for Milan Fashion Week, one of the industry’s most prestigious events.
“Mainstream fashion is now talking about modest fashion as a thing. Ten years ago, if you were a brand coming from a religious background and tried to sell it in a department store, calling it a modest or Muslim brand would be a kiss of death,” said Reina Lewis, a professor at the London College of Fashion who has written two books about the topic.
While the majority of those interested in coveredup fashion are young, cosmopolitan Muslim women, “the programs for Lakefront.
Fidget spinners with the brewery’s logo sell for $7.
“People click pens or twirl them,” Ranson said. “It’s the same thing. They’re moving their hands.”
Hasbro initially passed on the toy in the 1990s. But it eventually got marketed, and this year it took off. There’s enough hoopla that fidget spinners have been declared the new hula hoop. Or Slinky. Or yo-yo. You get the idea.
Amazon, which listed term ‘modesty’ emerged in the niche market as a useful one because it’s not faithspecific,” Lewis added.
“I know Christians and atheist friends who don’t cover their heads but they dress this way because that’s how they feel most comfortable, said Zai, the blogger.
Nazmin Alim, a designer who founded London-based modest fashion brand Aab a decade ago, says she used to have to buy fabric herself and visit a tailor to get smart work wear that still adhered to her faith’s modesty edicts.
“Long skirts may have a slit, tops may be sleeveless,” she said. “We understood then that, do you know what? The people who wanted this kind of clothing, they are hungry for it.”
Alim’s collection of trendy jumpsuits, kimonos and knee-length hoodies — as well as more traditional abayas and headscarves — is now being sold at Debenhams, a British department store that says it’s the first of its competitors to add hijabs to its aisles.
The fashion industry’s attempts at carving a corner of this market haven’t been without criticism, especially fidget spinners in each of its top 20 bestselling toy spots in May, features at least one fidget spinner geared directly to adults. It offers the “HITASION Hand Spinner Fidget Toys for Adults,” a high-speed spinner that costs $9.77.
The spinners have been touted as a remedy for students who have trouble focusing or paying attention. Adults might be using them for similar reasons but keep their use under the in France, where the banning of headscarves and burkinis amid racial tensions and security fears have fuelled a heated debate.
Laurence Rossignol, the former French minister for families, children and women, was reported saying last year that major brands that promote Islamic dress were “irresponsible” and that such garments “promote the confinement of women’s bodies.”
Zai and Alim maintain, however, that for women like them, it’s all about respecting individual choice.
“We all make choices — some people like to wear gothic, some people like what we’re offering,” Alim said. “I don’t see why anyone’s style should be singled out.”
“I try to stay away from the political debate,” said Zai, who said she decided to cover her head three years ago after a period of religious reflection. “I don’t think a group of men — the people you see (in government) are all these old men — can tell people what’s allowed, what’s not allowed . they’re saying Muslim women are oppressed, but they’re doing the same.” table — including the conference table.
Aubrey Scheopner Torres, assistant professor of education at Saint Anselm College in New Hampshire, looks at fidget spinners from the perspective of an educator — and a spouse. Her husband owns three.
The fidget spinner helps him focus, Scheopner Torres said. He explains his ADHD as “having five TVs on at one time.” The spinner “drowns out four of the TVs.”