1. Don’t offer advice unless asked.
At a social gathering, I overheard a young mom explaining why “time out” was ineffective with her toddler. When the twominute time out was over, the mom would cuddle with her daughter, and talk about the child’s bad behavior. Mom proclaimed that it seemed that her daughter enjoyed going to time out.
The mom was using this correction technique very inappropriately, but I said nothing. I never give unsolicited advice, but this is not the experience of many parents.
Moms of young children get lots of suggestions from family and friends, according to the National Mott Poll on children’s health. Sixty-one percent of moms reported being criticized for their parenting style. Most of these moms (56 percent) felt that they get too much blame for their children’s behavior and the majority view the censure as unhelpful.
It’s tough being a parent. There is so much to learn, and it’s overwhelming trying to decipher the oftencontradictory information offered from others.
People are usually well intentioned in their efforts to counsel others, even though it may not be perceived that way. Moms were most often criticized over their discipline of their young child. Child rearing is governed as much by custom and tradition as it is by scientific fact. Many well-meaning people mistakenly feel that what works for them must be the best approach for everyone.
It’s difficult for me to listen to a friend describe how “time out” doesn’t work for their child when the procedure was used incorrectly. Even so, I say nothing unless asked, unless it is an issue of child safety.
2. Be supportive.
Receptivity of the message often depends on your words and tone of voice. “Disciplining your kids is tough, and it’s challenging to figure out what works” is more likely to be accepted than harsh criticism. Be careful of your message, and avoid dogmatic or selfrighteous comments such as “I’d never let my kids behave like that in public.”
Advising a parent in the midst of a child’s tantrum is not apt to be successful. Recognize that these are uncomfortable conversations, as your comments may evoke reactions ranging from anxiety to defensiveness. Offer advice in private, and be mindful of selecting the right time and place.
3. Timing is key. 4. Safety trumps everything.
We have an obligation to keep kids safe from abuse or neglect. If you have concerns about a child’s welfare, please intervene. This may involve calling the child protection agency or getting a manager in a store to prevent a parent from beating their child.
I shouldn’t have offered my daughter copies of 17 years of my weekly articles. Perhaps I should select just my favorite 100 advice columns!
Next week:
quotes Favorite
Dear Readers:
Spills, spots, tears or other issues will happen to clothes while on vacation. Try these fast-fix hints to handle emergency garment problems while you are away from home.
If you spill tea or coffee, simply blot the fresh spill as soon as possible with a cloth soaked in warm tap water. If you see a spot on a piece of clothing while you are in a hotel or restaurant, head to the bathroom and rub the stain with bar or liquid hand soap. Wash off and rinse. In a pinch, hotel shampoos also can double as stain removers.
And if the clothing you want to wear is wrinkled from being packed, just hang it in the bathroom while you shower. The steam can remove the wrinkles.
— Heloise
you eat that healthy yogurt, wash out the cups and save them. They will be handy at a later point. Use them to pack grapes, chips or small cookies in lunch bags.
You also can store home office supplies, such as paper clips, thumbtacks or rubber bands, in them. Yogurt cups make good scoops for cat or dog dry food or bird food.
Heloise — Heloise Dear Readers:
When planning a picnic, it’s a good idea to prepare for any possible emergencies. Put together a medical kit that contains bug repellent, first-aid treatment for insect bites, bandages, pain relievers and plenty of sun protection Ñ both screens and creams.
— Heloise Dear Readers:
Try this double-duty idea for keeping food in your party cooler even cooler. Fill plastic soda bottles with water, to about three inches from the top, and freeze them solid. Put these bottles in the cooler instead of ice cubes. Food will stay cold, but it won’t get soggy, and as the ice thaws, you’ll have chilled water to drink.
— Dear Readers:
Be careful about what you put in your garbage cans. These items can reveal a lot of private personal information about you, your family, your health and your finances that could be useful to people who want to use it for identity theft. Remove labels from medications before throwing out. Don’t put credit card statements into the trash; numbers could be taken from them. Shred or cut up important documents before disposing of them.
— Heloise Dear Readers:
We all refreeze food from time to time. If a food is only partially thawed, it’s usually OK to refreeze it. But if the food has an odd color or a bad odor, toss it out.
If you have thawed fish, poultry or meat in the refrigerator, it’s fine to refreeze it within 24 hours of defrosting. But casseroles, stews and combination dishes that have been thawed should not be refrozen. If your food has thawed completely or warmed to room temperature or been kept at room temperature for than two hours, discard it. During the summer, and in high heat, food can go bad quickly.
— Heloise