Whatever you do, don’t fall for fall

Heck no, I won’t go. And by “go,” I mean go along with the whole “it being fall” thing.

I will state an undeniable fact: it is not fall yet.

Switch out your wardrobe and pull out all the sweaters you want.

Sweater weather and pumpkin spice this, that and everything doesn’t change the calendar.

Fall doesn’t fall (see what I did there?) until Sept. 22, so everyone just needs to pump the brakes and shelve the hooded sweatshirts.

That said, I know the leaves won’t stop changing colors no matter how bad I plead. See? Nothing. Mother Nature has her timetable and she has things to do.

Unless we are finally about to fall through all those holes Aqua Net hairspray created in the ’80s, the temperature will drop and among white-tailed deer will increase as it does every fall.

Fall is coming, and after that, winter.

Until it gets here, I am still rolling around in summer like a cat rolls around in freshly spilled catnip.

I will wear flip-flops in the snow.

I will wear sunscreen on a mostly cloudy day.

I will not rake one leaf before it’s time.

Heck. No. I. Won’t. Go.

It is not that I hate fall. It is not as good as summer or spring, but it will do for the most part.

Only the foolish among us do not appreciate 70 degree weather. It is pleasant.

I just see fall for what it is: a horned gateway drug to winter.

It offers us Halloween and Thanksgiving as distractions, but I know what fall is actually doing.

It is lulling us all into a false sense of security. With it, Mother Nature offers the illusion of peace.

Next thing you know, the hardware store will be selling road salt instead of mums.

The garden store will be selling … I have no idea what garden stores sell in winter.

I you, fall, and I see your cold-hearted friend winter.

I may have been born in summer, but it wasn’t this summer.

It also wasn’t last summer, but we don’t have to get into how old I am.

See how tricky fall is?