Dayton Daily News

Wife opposesman’s plan to donate sperm to friend

- JeannePhil­lips DearAbby

Dear Abby: Two years ago, Imarried a kind, hard-working man I’ll call Travis. These two years have been the best ofmy life, and I couldn’t imagine a better husband. However, I just got some news I feel is threatenin­g ourmarriag­e.

Travis’ friend from childhood, “Bethany,” wants to start a family with her wife. Travis informedme that he agreed to donate his spermto Bethany so she can become pregnant. I feel betrayed. My husband will be starting a familywith his friend beforewe have kids! I know itmay seemirrati­onal, but I feel like he’s cheating on me.

When I told himhow I felt, he said I was being selfish and it was his decision. He also said it wouldn’tmatter because he isn’t going to help raise the child. Does Travis really have the right to donate his spermwitho­ut my consent? If so, how do I suppressmy anger toward himand Bethany? — Fuming in the Midwest

Dear Fuming: You are asking some intelligen­t questions, but ones that should be answered by an attorney. Your husband may be the nicest, most generousma­n on the planet, but there are contingenc­ies that need to be taken into considerat­ion before Bethany becomes pregnant. Please suppress your anger long enough to convince Travis that he shouldn’t rush into this agreement without legal counsel. He may thank you for it later.

Dear Abby: Traditiona­lly, husbands-to-be ask the fiancee’s father for permission tomarry her. Why do we never hear about the bride-to-be asking the husband’s mother for her permission?

My husband asked my dad before proposing to me. I think it was a nice gesture, and Dad was delighted for himto be included into our family. Had I askedmyMIL for permission tomarry her son, I would have known right away she was opposed to it.

Now, three rocky years later, she’s still accusing me of taking her son away from her. She tells him if he ever wants to leave me, he’s more than welcome to come back home to Mommy. (His three other siblings still live there.)

Had I asked, I would have known upfront that she hatedme (not because of who I am, but because she didn’t want her oldest to ever leave). Would I still havemarrie­d him? I think I would have, but I would have been prepared for the treacherou­s days ahead.

— Unprepared For the Treachery

Dear Unprepared: You havemy sympathy. When mothers-in-law from heaven were handed out, it appears you were assigned someone from as far south as one can get. Shemay be the reason that verse in the Bible about leaving and cleaving was included. Your situation illustrate­s why it’s important for women — and men — to get to know the family of their intended before taking that trip to the altar.

P.S. Traditiona­lly, women were considered to be the property of their fathers, which is why permission needed to be granted before theywere “given” in marriage. The same was not true of sons.

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