Woman’smiscarriage causes withdrawal
Dear Abby: I amat that age when most of my friends and colleagues are having children. I suffered amiscarriage (my first pregnancy) a few months ago, and I have been feeling depressed and helpless about the situation.
We are seeing a fertility specialist, so I ampositive about our chances. However, whenmy husband and I are invited to attend functions with friends, I have been declining because one of his friends recently announced her pregnancy. I have become extremely withdrawn, jealous and anti-social. Is it normal forme to feel this way? I would love to be sociable and happy, but it’s hard. — Baby Jealous in Maryland
Dear Baby Jealous: It’s normal to feel some jealousy when those around you seemto experience something easily that you are struggling with. However, to isolate yourself because of it is self-defeating.
It could help you to talk this throughwith a licensed therapist. You are not alone in having these feelings, and the therapist can give you tools to help you cope. Ask your fertility specialist for a referral. I’msure you won’t be the first patient to do that, and it might bring you comfort.
Dear Abby: My issue is related to celebrations with my in-laws. They are both retired.
At holiday time, we suggest that we pick up something to eat on the way, but they always tell us they already have stuff ready to cook. The problem is, we have gotten food poisoning in their home twice because of undercooked chicken. We have a 16-month-old son, andmy in-laws are offended because we won’t let him eat fromtheir table and always bring his own food.
After the first bout, my husband asked themif they had a food thermometer. They said they did not, so we bought one for them. The second time — on Easter
— was horrible.
My husband doesn’t want to say anything to thembecause they are good to us and generous to our son. But I can’t seemyself ever eating at their house again. Help, please. What do we say to them?
— Grateful, But ...
Dear G.B.: What you say is that you and their son have gotten food poisoning twice at their house because of undercooked chicken. Twice is enough. From now on, invite themto YOUR home for holiday dinners.
Dear Abby: I’ve been married formore than 50 years to aman I love withmy whole being. But for years I’ve heard people say about their spouse, “I love himdearly, but I amnot INLOVEwith him.”
Would you please explain what thismeans? What’s the difference? — Just Gotta Ask in Arizona
Dear Just Gotta: I think the phrasemeans different things to different people. To some it indicates that the excitement, those “fires of passion,” may have cooled to a simmer and been slowly replaced by a calmer and deeper kind of affection. To others itmaymean they weren’t deeply in love in the first place.