Want a woman to message you back?
‘Sup, yo?’ isn’t going to work, guys.
“Hey baby!”
“Hey beautiful.” “What’s up, sexy?” If you’ve ever sent some- one a message or text like the ones above from one of the online dating sites or apps, then you know the outcome: crickets. No respectable woman (if that’s what you’re going for) wants to receive a note that not only shows that you didn’t read her profile, if she’s written one, but also turns her into a piece of meat. Below are real, unedited emails that female clients of mine have received on various online dating sites that were certainly not the right way to get someone to respond favorably:
“Your profile caught my eye and I am a little embar- rassed to tell you why. You look just like.. You look like the mom next door, but I can’t help but think you’re super naughty. It is really hot.
You are innocent and sweet looking, but it is like you are thinking something less than pure in your head. I don’t know why I got that feel, but I did. It just makes me think you are very sexy (abbreviation for ‘mother I’d like … ’)! haha Okk, sorry! That was too forward! Hah”
“Wow ok.. So u prob- ably get alot of bull crap messages so I’m just going to be real. I would like to know u and take u out lol. U wanna know more about me, write me” “hope to hear from soon” “Shut up and let me take u out”
“Too bad for me that I am married !!!! ”
“Hello there, you’re very pretty! I wish you were my girlfriend!”
“Omg !!!! Are you fully aware that your( sic) giv-ing me chest pains? Lol I am convinced that part of your goals today are to lay me out flat with heart palpitations lo lo mg”
These are bad, and I hope I don’t have to explain why. Now that we’ve gotten what not to do out of the way, let’s look at four creative ways to get women to mes- sage you back:
4. Speak like a human. This one admittedly isn’t very creative, but it is necessary. Please check for gram- mar and punctuation. And if you want to say “you,” then write it out rather than using “u” instead. It’ll go further than you think, even on the apps like Tinder.
3. Make sure she knows you read her profile.
This is another boring one, I know, but it’s impor- tant that you don’t just com- ment on her “gorgeous smile.” Rather, comment on how she totally killed your time in the Turkey Trot race or how impressive it is that she drinks bourbon neat.
2. Always ask a fun question, usually at the end.
Not fun: “How are you enjoying the weather these days?” S eriously? The weather?
Fun: “So your friends say you’re loyal, funny, and adventurous … what I want to know is this: How would your enemies describe you? ;-)”
Another fun one: “That’s funny that peanut butter was listed as the first thing on your ‘can’t live without’ list. Crunchy or creamy? There is a lot riding on this.
And No. 1: Tease her in a way (a cute way) that makes her want to tease you back.
“You’re a Red Sox Fan. I’m a Yankees fan. Are we doomed??”
“No sushi for you? I may have to work with you on that one since it’s my favorite. We won’t start out with eel or anything raw. Deal?”
Obviously, no one can ever guarantee that your message will receive a response, but if you fol- low these tips rather than your usual “Sup, yo?” greet- ing, then you’re at least off to a good start.
Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps others navigate the often intimidating world of online dating. Want to connect with Erika? Join her newsletter, online at eepurl.com/dpHcH.