Dayton Daily News

If we all learn to live in fear, they have won

- By Barton Goldsmith Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychother­apist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of "The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time." Follow his daily ins ightson Twitter @BartonGold­smith

You don’t have to be at one with the universe. You just need to control your own mood a little better by reminding yourself that you have gotten through much worse and you will survive this current situation as well.

Thich Nhat Hanh, the Buddhist author and teacher, said, “Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledg­e our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelousl­y. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones.”

It’s brilliant, beautiful, and seems perfect. The only problem is that most of us can’t do it for five

minutes, let a loneforour entire lives. These teach- ings are not meant to train us to change after hearing

the words but are rather a guide to what would be ideal. I believe this state of

m ind exists for a few but not for most of us. Still, I keep striving to get there, and maybe that’s the point.

It’s not about entirely eradicatin­g anxiety from our lives; t hat’snot possible, and there’s no need to set yourself up for failure. You don’t need to emotion-

ally beat yourself up every time you worry. We’d all be getting a daily Xanax IV. Now, I’m not saying it’s good to worry, but when and if you do, it’s not a hor- rible thing, and you can have a f ull and long life even if you are a chronic worrier. You may not enjoy yourself that much, but it won’t kill you. This isn’t just my opinion :I’ved one the research and lived with

daily fear long enough to know I can always recover and move on. And yes, wor- rying is also a waste of time, and for me that’s motiva-

tionenough to continue to keep striving to be more in the moment.

I think i t’s hard to be a fearless person when we are living in such a scary world. According to The Guardian, there is a mass shooting — defined as four or more people shot in one incident, not including the shooter — every nine out of ten days on average. That’s 1,516 mass shoot- ings in 1,735 days.

I get it, leaving the house

and goi ng to a c oncert is now a risk, and everybody thi nks about it. We even train our children to fear, and this started years ago. Remember “duck and cover”? That was the era I was raised i n,andt oday lit t le kids have to walk

through metal detectors when they go to school. Fear is now embedded in our society. The terrorists are getting what they want, or so they may think.

If we all learn to live in fear, they have won. If we instead live with some caution and leave the suffering behind, we will win. The same is true for your per- sonal life. The things that scare you must be faced head o n,andyouhave­to remind yourself that you do have this inner strength

that has performed miracles in the past and is ready

and willing to do it again. You don’t have to be at one with the universe. You just need to control your own mood a little better by reminding yourself that you have gotten through much worse and you will survive this current situation as well.

Make the choice that you are going to enjoy life and live it to the fullest even though there may be something that is ready to pull you down.

This is true for all of us. Our worries are always there when we stop to look at them. I suggest you just pass them by, and when you think you can’ t, remember that you do have

some choice here: make a positive one.

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