What about the earthworms? Save the earthworms!

My first impulse was to save all the earthworms — scoop them up in my napkin and carry them to safety.

When the weather was really warm the other day, something in their wormy brains obviously told them that the parking lot at my office was a vast ocean that plainly promised endless adventure. Nope.

Instead of freedom and a boundless supply of whatever it is earthworms eat, our thrill-seekers ended up devoured by birds or smashed by cars or feet.

Cover the kids’ ears. The parking lot was a gruesome scene: decapitations (both heads), disembowelment and a lot of twitching.

With that napkin, I picked a few earthworms that didn’t seem too banged up and dropped them in the grass, hoping beyond hope that they would get the point. I could in 10 seconds or so, I walked into my office feeling defeated.

My best attempts at doing something or the betterment of worm-kind was probably for naught. Was I saint or sinner? Maybe I was both. So much power. So much misguided sympathy.

And what of the worms I could have saved, but did not?

Perhaps one of those earthworms would have been the earthworm that came up a cure for earthworm stupidity, developed some sort of worm brain growing serum?

Instead, it was smashed like all the other derps.

If that was the case, I am sort of sad and OK with it, I guess.

Does humankind really want formerly derpy earthworms thinking for themselves and rising up against us?

Heck no!

The circle of life isn’t necessarily a bad thing if it keeps us from getting overrun by armies of super-smart earthworms that don’t get smashed by our cars or feet.

Birds need to eat, too. Contact this reporter at 937225-2384 or email Amelia. Robinson@coxinc.com.