It’s important to guide your child in developing good friendships

“Life’s better with company,” advised George Clooney in the 2009 movie “Up In the Air.” That short phrase summarized thousands of psychological studies on what makes people happy. Life is a journey about relationships.

We spend most of our lives mindlessly accumulating things and planning for tomorrow. In moments of quiet reflection or perhaps when confronted with a serious illness or tragedy, we refocus on what matters. Life is about a gentle hug, a kind word, a warm presence, a genuine compliment, and a sense that you matter to someone else.

It’s hard to overestimate the importance of childhood friendships. I just read a study that kept track of 267 diverse kids from the Pittsburgh area from the time they were 6 to 9 years of age until they were in their 30s. Kids who spent more time with friends as youngsters had lower blood pressure and more appropriate weight as adults. The impact of social relationships begins in childhood and resonates throughout our lives.

Relationships may be important, but they don’t develop easily or naturally. Relationships can involve conflict and criticism, as well as caring and compassion. It’s easier for parents to spend time on helping their children study for a spelling test than in guiding them in developing good friendships.

Friendships among kids aren’t very different than adult relationships. Here are a few critical skills that matter.

1. Show caring. Behavior means more than words. Friends care about each other, and demonstrate that in a variety of ways. This doesn’t come naturally to kids, many of whom are very egocentric. Help kids understand the importance of being kind and respectful. Children are not always careful or precise in their words. Pay attention and provide feedback to your youngster on the words and tone of voice he uses with others.

2. Communicate in a genuine way. It’s fun to watch children interact with each other. They talk a lot and wait for pauses in the conversation to begin speaking again. Friendships are not only about talking but also about listening and understanding. Kids are more adept at the former than the latter. The dinner table is a great place for kids to learn how to solicit information about others’ lives and perspectives. Good friends are superb at asking questions to provoke conversations.

3. Resolve conflicts. Friendships come with conflict. I’ve had many kids tell me that they broke up with a friend because they “got in a fight.” Challenge that perspective. Friendships aren’t disposable. Help your kids learn how to resolve disagreements, accept perspectives other than their own, and apologize.

Good friendships are an important predictor of your child’s happiness in life. Pay as much attention to those relationships as you do to your child’s academic success.

Next week: Getting ready for school … and life.

Dr. Ramey is the executive director of Dayton Children's Hospital's Pediatric Center for Mental Health Resources and can be contacted at Rameyg@childrensdayton. org. Heloise

Dear readers: It’s always a great idea to save money by using coupons.

Here are some Heloise hints to stretch your coupon savings:

■ Try to find a store in your area that redeems double coupons.

■ Cut out coupons for items that you will use; don’t buy a more expensive brand just so you can use a coupon.

■ Get the Sunday newspaper; it’s filled with coupons. Also, get coupons from internet websites, and call manufacturers to receive them.

■ When you make your grocery list, put an asterisk (*) next to the item you have a coupon for.

■ Organize coupons with similar items, or if you know the store layout, sort them by aisle.

■ If you have a coupon for an item that is sold out, ask for a rain check.

■ If you have extra storage space, stock up on paper items, especially if you have coupons.

Hope these hints will save you some money. Remember, even a few dollars a week can add up over the long run! — Heloise

Another use for ironing board

Dear Heloise: My daughter broke her leg and had to rest on our living-room couch for a while, which she was not eager to do.

To make things easier for her, I got out the ironing board and lowered it to her level and placed a pretty tablecloth over it.

She was able to put her computer, smartphone, homework, personal items, water and medicine on it — just about everything she needed to have during the day.

I didn’t have to run around to find what she wanted.

It saved me a lot of time. — Peggy from Ohio

Dirty blankets/ comforters

Dear readers: Cotton, rayon, synthetic blankets and comforters get dirty, so they should be cleaned on a regular basis.

First, read the care labels to find out what you should use to clean them and the best way to do it.

Use my Heloise hints to get the job done well.

For a quick fix, fluff the blankets in the dryer on a cool-air setting, and add a fabric softener sheet for freshening.

For a good cleaning, first, pre-soak stained or soiled blankets.

Then wash for about five minutes in cold or warm water on the delicate cycle with detergent and oxygen bleach (if the label says it’s OK).

Dry blankets on low heat, gentle cycle or hang to air-dry. — Heloise

Crispy chicken

Dear readers: If your family loves to eat chicken, try these hints on how to cook crispy chicken and make it taste even better.

For making a delicious chicken, rub real mayonnaise all over the skin.

When baking, it will create a crisp, golden crust. For frying chicken, use half flour and half cornstarch instead of all flour.

This will make the chicken super-crunchy. — Heloise

Send a money-saving or timesaving hint to Heloise, P.O. Box 795000, San Antonio, TX 78279-5000, or you can fax it to 1-210-HELOISE or email it to Heloise@Heloise. com. I can't answer your letter personally but will use the best hints received in my column.