Accommodation isn’t the best way to help an anxious child
Amy’s parents alert her 15 minutes before she needs to leave her house, giving their 13-year-old daughter plenty of time to engage in her ritualistic obsessive-compulsive behaviors. Amy feels unable to leave home until she had gone through a sequence of touching numerous items in her bedroom.
This approach is called accommodation, and wellmeaning parents do this routinely with their anxious children. However, research published by Elana Kagan and her colleague concluded that good intentions frequently result in bad outcomes for these kids.
Kagan found that accommodation is very common among parents of children suffering from anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorders (OCD), with 97 percent to 99 percent of parents using that technique. They may check the weather for a child who is anxious about storms, or buy clothes that feel “just right” for their tactile sensitive youngster. While parents are trying to do the right thing, 70 percent to 80 percent of parents experienced distress with the burden of having to make such changes.
Here is the dilemma. While accommodating is demanding for families, it does have the benefit of reducing severe reactions from anxious kids. However, does this help their children in the long term? Kagan’s review suggested that while temporarily beneficial, accommodating the child’s symptoms inadvertently encourages the problems to continue.
Be careful. Children suffering from OCD or other anxiety disorders are not cured simply by strict parents. Here is the sequence I typically follow to help these anxious kids.
First, it’s critical to engage the young person as a therapeutic partner. Most of these children are uncomfortable with their anxiety and want to change their lives. They’re aware of their dysfunctional behavior but feel trapped and overwhelmed.
Second, effective treatment of anxiety is all about teaching kids more effective ways to deal with these feelings. One technique doesn’t work for all children, but relaxation and distraction are two of the more powerful approaches. Relaxation might involve helping kids learn deep breathing techniques, stretching, or tensing and then relaxing each muscle group.
Distraction is a very powerful anxiety-reliever for kids. Anxious kids get stuck in an endless cycle of selfdefeating thoughts. Getting kids to stop that cycle is most effective when they learn alternative thought patterns.
Finally, family involvement is key to effective longterm treatment. Many parents have developed habits of accommodating their kid’s anxiety. It’s generally not healthy or effective to ask parents to stop such support immediately. Both kids and parents prefer a more gradual approach. For a youngster accustomed to their parent cutting their toast into 15 small pieces to avoid choking, reducing that to 12 or 13 is progress.
Accommodation is fine, as long as it is a step on a journey and not a long-term solution.
Next week: Things kids believe that aren’t true.
Dr. Ramey is the executive director of Dayton Children's Hospital's Pediatric Center for Mental Health Resources and can be contacted at Rameyg@ childrensdayton.org.
Dear readers: Many of us have experienced an emergency or had to report a crime at some time or another. Safety experts say there are things we should know when reporting incidents to 911 to get quicker results. Here are the steps:
1. When you call, stay calm and say, “I want to report a robbery (or fire or medical emergency).” You will be asked, “Where? When? Describe the person or situation. Is the person breathing? Are there weapons present? Are there injuries? Did the criminal run?” Answer the questions in as much detail as you can. Listen carefully to the operator and follow instructions.
2. Get the name of the operator who took your information so that you can call again if you have more to report. You can give it to the same person and save time.
3. Do call back if the situation has changed.
— Heloise
Storing china
Dear Heloise:
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