Measuring more madness in the month of March

In a month famed for madness, 2019 has doubled down. Along with the basketball variety, this year there’s the madness of well-heeled parents paying hundreds of thousands of dollars to weasel their kids into prestigious universities.

It’s hard not to hope that, after their freshman years, those same kids will come to their parents and say, “Hey Mom and Dad this college thing isn’t really working out for me. I’m gonna’ drop out and backpack through Europe for a while.”

For real madness, though, consider how much it costs to stay in college.

Estimates vary, but a year at Columbia reportedly runs $59,430. At Stanford it’s $64,447. At Harvard, $67,850. Sure, they’re the Maseratis of American universities, but Hyundai-level schools also have hefty stickers on their windshields. According to one personal fifinance website, the average annual bill at a public university is $25,900 ($40,940 if you ship your scholar out of state.) Even with fifinancial aid, the average college graduate walks offff the commencement stage $37,172 in debt.

I don’t remember exactly what it cost, but I’m pretty sure the price tag for my entire four years at a public university wasn’t $25,900 — including tuition, room, board, books and beer.

Why college today costs so much is even harder to pin down.

A widely-accepted notion is that the federal government has reduced its funding for education, although others claim it’s contributing more than ever. I don’t which one is correct, but maybe I’d be able to fifigure it out if my parents had been able to buy my way into a more prestigious college.

Some sources say it’s because universities are top heavy with administrators — including vice presidents, assistants, associates, assistant associates and provosts — receiving six- fifigure salaries. Many school have even more administrators than they have assistant football coaches. I’m sure all these administrators perform necessary functions, although I’m not quite sure what a provost actually does.

A third explanation is that universities today need to attract students with more than mere educations. Now they offffffffffffer the “college experience.” Instead of three students sharing a prison cell-sized dormitory room, they can lounge in a residence hall suite. Cafeterias and vending machines have been replaced with dining halls and chefs cooking up gourmet meals. Some offffffffffffer facilities for such educational necessities as rock climbing, yoga and kickboxing.

But college isn’t necessarily even the fifirst sticker shock. My grandtwins, for instance, will be going into ninth grade this fall at a high school in Arlington, Va., with an annual tuition fee of $17,000 each. If my son and daughter-in-law are lucky, when those kids graduate $136,000 later they’ll strap on their backpacks and head straight to Europe.

Contact this columnist at dlstew_2000@yahoo.com.