Thankful for so many inept Trump cabinet members

So, did you enjoy the parade for the U.S. women’s soccer team? People sure did seem happy. I believe this is partly because the players are terrific and partly because many Americans are desperate to think about something other than Donald Trump.

And, good Lord, his crack team of cabinet members. In recent weeks, Secretary of Labor Alex Acosta tried to hold back the outrage that’s been building since people learned that, as a federal prosecutor in South Florida, he had brokered a lenient punishment for Jeffrey Epstein, a rich guy who liked to have sex with underage girls.

Explanation: It was a good deal. You know how this administration feels about good deals.

“The Palm Beach state attorney’s office was ready to let Epstein walk free,” Acosta said. “Our prosecutors ... presented the ultimatum.” Which was that Epstein, who had molested a parade of teenagers, some only 14, had to serve at least a little jail time. The punishment Acosta wrangled with his alleged best possible efforts involved 13 months in prison, during which Epstein was free to spend most days at his office as long as he slept overnight in the clink.

The case is now in the hands of federal prosecutors in New York who are going after Epstein on other sex-trafficking charges.

Do you think Acosta ever asked himself whether he could have fought harder? Nah. The problem was the victims, who were too “scared and traumatized” to be good witnesses. Asked by reporters if he had any regrets, he just said that was “a hard question.”

Have you heard anybody in the Trump administration apologize for anything? Well, there was the occasion the secretary of health and human services said he was sorry he spent $400,000 of our tax dollars to fly around in specially chartered planes. But that was a long time and a whole lot of bad behavior ago.

About Jeffrey Epstein. He sounds like one of the worst people imaginable, so we are, of course, stunned to hear he used to be tight with our current chief executive. “Terrific guy,” Trump said in an interview with New York magazine in 2002. “He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side.”

Ever since the Epstein scandal arose, Trump has been defending Acosta, stressing what an “excellent” job he’s doing. After all, the president told reporters, “our economy is so good, our unemployment numbers are at record lows.” You might have thought he was under the impression the secretary of labor had something to do with boosting the economy.

Hmm. Before this week, what do you think Donald Trump thought the Department of Labor did?

A) Something about delivering babies.

B) Something about getting good people to, you know, mow the lawn and stuff.

C) Something. Almost nobody likes the job Acosta’s been doing. People who care about workers are outraged that he’s been trying to water down everything from mine safety regulations to the rules that prohibit restaurant managers from grabbing a piece of the waiters’ tips.

But are you upset that Trump is too much of an ethical beanbag to get rid of him? The sad truth is we’re really probably better off with cabinet members too inept to accomplish anything.

Wait! This just in: Acosta announced July 12 he’ll resign. Now, we can get back to soccer.